A-Z April - K for Know what?

I recollect my childhood as 'just yesterday' now, and then in the very next moment, it feels like another lifetime - Or another story perhaps that I happen to know. Of someone who was like me, or lived my life and left it for me to decipher it, and recollect it as a third party watching it on a screen. 

Nothing feels as weird as life. I sit here and think of all the people that left me. Some that left the world, some that disappeared on the other side of the fork while we travelled together, and some that just left. When I look back at these lost connections, I get amused at the surreal quality these people have. The ones that passed on, especially, feel like phatom characters - like my rich imagination. There would be circumstantial evidence of their time on the earth, but their presence feels like a fragment of my thought. They linger around in my emotion, reminding me of the times I fondly cherish, wondering if all this is just a dream, if my own being is as phantom as they are and I feel pretty sure, that sooner, or later - I would be just a dream too for someone remembering me on this earthly plane.

How many phases have I lived? They all seem to be different people. Sometimes, the me that is watching the me that is blogging feel like two separate selves. Much like the me of today feels about the me as a child. This body feels like a rental car. The one that I'd have to leave behind and take flight, lingering around in a phantom like texture in others' minds.

Then what is the purpose of this existence? I sit back and ruminate over the rhetorical question that we often miss in this mad rush called life. Then I realize that there's indeed a purpose - more than the chasing of accolades, achievements and accumilations. Then it also dawns upon me, that each life is a short story at the most. Concised into a few memories here and there, if we are fortunate, lingering in the hearts of our folks left behind. A summary of smiles and heartaches, if we live our lives well that is. 

And I say to myself, for the umpteenth time - Know what? Life is too short to be little. And I vow to let this me that I watch over, to let Love Last beyond this epsilon. 

A-Z April Day - 10 - J is for Jnani

I could add all the wordage to describe what Jnani means, but this Man right here - One of the most illustrous saints that had walked our blessed Planet is Ramana Maharshi, the poster child of the term "Jnani". His picture is worth all the words in the world, not just a thousand. The suffix Maharshi in his name means a 'Great saint' 

Jnani is a sanskrit word that means "Knowing", "Wise", "Sage" or "One possessing wisdom". The Jnani is the one who has busted the maze of 'Maya' or the llusion of this world and attained the highest wisdom of the True self. All I seem to be consumed for now, is admiring his Form, hoping His grace runs onto me and my banter and brings in the ever luminous wisdom to my words and silence them. An ironcial wish indeed ;)

In his human form, Ramana seldom spoke. He was silent, dwelling in the eternal peace that transcends all this creation we see. I wonder how He would have smiled at this constant noise I make here. I wonder if it would have been with motherly love, blessing me with the Silence that I seek, neverthless :) May His DIvine blessings be upon all footsteps that grace this space.

Day 9 - A-Z April - I for Inside

 

Photo by Miriam Espacio from Pexels

When I thought of writing about I, a lot of things came to mind - I first thought of writing about the  'If' clause. Then about the ego laden "I" but not the I, I as in me. I thought of writing a verse. Then I thought of musing about imagination, my best friend for life. 

Finally, here I am, the spirit me, operating through the form me, that's showed up to keep up with the challenge and in what way? 

Let me see....

The world is dual. Yin and Yang. The spirit world is Non-Dual which is called Advaita in Sanskrit. It finds its roots in the fact that the entire creation is one, and what we do to others we do to ourselves. The Advaita phylosophy simplifies the complicated. It sees and serves the world as one. There's no duality. All are one. One whole.

My school of thought, my practicing religion calls it 'Karma'- a term that is globally understood in the present day. Others might have similarly meaning terms. Simplified, Karma isn't a punishment. It is a lesson because if we separate ourselves from the whole, the whole will seperate itself from us. If we do not welcome happiness everywhere and for everyone  we see it, happiness will eliminate us from seeing it. 

Simple? Simple.

Advaita - that's what I am feeding on right now, and what definitely seems to be the vehicle that is going to launch me into the Great Beyond. Advaita decodes the spiritual seeking and with such simplicity. 

"Go inside" It keeps urging us. Look within. The shortest way to self realization is from the Inside, it pleads to the delusional junta that is a little too caught in the maze of this worldly play.

Advaita says that Joy, Peace and Love are our nature. They are not attributes. And Enlightenment is what we all are within. Except that we have a lot of fluff that obscures it.

Inside, It says. Inside, It insists. Inside, It importunes.

Inside us is the treasure of everything we need. We just need to go inward.

I, dear brethren, Is the I in joint hands, imploring to peek inside.

It could be the only insight we'd ever need.

A-Z April Day 8 - H for Hidden

 

The first born and I had a discussion about a regional movie she attempted to watch but couldn't go through. It was one of those controversial titles that most other conservative Indian mothers of  my generation would let out a scream and close their mouths in shock if they'd discovered their fifteen year old was up for 'watching' it.

I was mildly shocked, none the less, as this child of mine that binge watched Barney not too long ago, is there infront of me, speaking candidly about an R rated feature. I was happy, in the first place, that "if you are hiding something from your mom, it might not be a good thing to begin with" talk really held some steam and we were respecting one another space and freedom while making sure the needed parenting is done with minimal drama.

"So what is it that escaped your grey matter? or were you looking for something else that you didn't find?" I had to ask. Now, I didn't watch the movie in question, but prompty did at my earliest convenience. Except for the title that offered a promise of some titilation,or was named as a click bait, this movie was indeed something I would love for my fifteen year old to watch. I was intrigued by the plot and the 'reading between lines' message it carried, and ofcourse I would assume the metaphorical message laiden in a mass appealing title didn't particulary strike the tender teen mind. 

I promised A to watch the title with her and discuss the  message the makers were intending to deliver. As I did that we had a talk about 'negative spaces' in art, in literature and life. The ones where the details and the meanings lie, the ones that are obviously into our faces, but we are too tunnel visioned to notice or to learn from their subtle messages. 

Reminded me of all the layers of meanings I discovered in the poems of my textbooks back in the day. Art, literature and life have nuances that the busy world misses. Sometimes the shortage of time we have, and our 'busy-ness' extends to our hearts and more importantly, to our visions I suppose.

Day 7 A-Z April - G for Go figure

 

Auntie S, the fulltime nanny that we hired after our second born was spotted scrubbing away on a tea mug in the sink. Watching her in my periphery, I could see the confusion on her face. When she saw me around she said "This fly is stuck here. I am not able to get it off the cup" She sounded annoyed by the idea of having the carcass of an insect stuck on the prized fine china.

There was a reason why that seemingly persistent dead fly didn't budge from the cup though Auntie S had used substantial elbow grease to get rid of it. It was because the said fly was painted on to the fine china mug. It was a part of the floral design that featured on the outside of the mug - a little unexpected detail so to speak, that appealed to the critter loving, detail loving, cup loving, nature loving looney that's moi.

There's a critter, hopefully a mere imitiation on the God's original, in every nook and cranny of my humble abode. Some are carved out of metal, some curated out of wood, some moulded out of fibre, but all share the space and spread like a theme, for anyone that's looking to find one in my eclectic space. Inscets manifest into my world and words like some kind of indexes - some life lessons, some decorative accents. 

As conservative as I claim my dress sense to be, my earring wardrobe has every imaginable critter out there. Spiders, ladybugs, frogs, a pair of owls, bumble bees, dragonflies, turtles - you name it, I probably have them occupying the realestate of my generous earlobes the few times I care to wear earrings. I gave it a thought, kind of like a go-figure and all these tidbits of information flooded my mind's ambience.

Writing every day of the month, with a theme to boot, is a daunting task, while there's a hormonal 'party of sorts' happening in your insides and there's a block that refuses to budge, not even when you ask it to spare you as you are not a "writer" and a vaccine that's bent upon leaving its linger - with risen temperature that brings a turbulent temperament in tow - but Going and figuring out is the way of life, the sway of life - the display of life! Geez, that was a lame rhyme.

But on retrospect - G it is, Graceful Brethren that loves to blog, to blog hop and blog stop - (That's an other Geez of a rhyme) So what was I saying? 

G is for Geez?

Yes, Geez!

:)

Photo by Dastan Khdir from Pexels

Day 8 - A-Z - F for Friend

 As I sit by the table

Grub filling my gut

Spirits flow free

In liquids and essence

Descending abundant blessing

Upon this form

And then I cogitate

Over the count

Of these endowments on the existence.

How do I tally the ways?

That fortunes graced me

In mediums big and small

Tiny and tall.

To every one of you

That had called me a friend

For a moment or for years to no end

For a duration and for perpetuity

For picking up my untimely calls

Feeding my soul, when test befalls

Staying by my side in real and in linger

For enriching my life, my home, ,my living room, my garden

And above all my soul

With tales of laughter, 

Of love

Of presence and the Presents

Your friendship bestowed upon

This favored life.

I can string a puny verse

Offering this Universe

Lorry loads of flying kisses.

Just because

I had been the chosen one

To cherish your Fraternity.

Of all the blessings I have recieved

O Friend, you lead the list.

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

Day 6 - A-Z Challenge. E for Eternity

                          

                          Under the umbrella

Of the sapphire sky

And over the aquamarine sea

Somewhere on that horizon

An Us stands in embrace

Having one another's back

                       Of a life so complicated.

Lost in contemplation

No care in sight

No thought in flight

That stillness

Ushers a bloom

Of blissful bond

The one that connects and concocts

Being into believing

In that moment

Eternal Love emerges.

Photo by Nikita Belokhonov from Pexels

Day 5 - A-Z challenge - D for D(r)ead line

Springtime comes with the subtle and the not-so-subtle announcements, inside and out. For instance, My overactive immune system engages in a over production of histamine. That is neither a good kind of overactivity, nor is a good kind of over prodution if you know what I mean. Today had been one such day, of over production and I had to take aid of an antihistamine to function without looking like I am being pulled on strings by a puppeteer. As evening approached, I had a mild panic attack - the blog entry needed to be taken care of. It's A-Z month, how can I sign up and take it easy?

I cannot. 

Can I?

So deadlines are things that inspire dread in me. Though they don't involve carriages that turn into pumpkins or horses that transform into mice. The ones that I bring onto myself, like this challange that compells me to bust the duality of taking it easy and triumph over the lethargy to keep at the creative catharsis, if I could call it so myself, are the ones I take all the more seriously. So it kind of makes me smile smugly for realizing that what I lack in the ambition department, I make up with my passion.

And I realize, that some deadlines don't even come with a announcement. We don't even know if there's a dawn awaiting us at the other side of the night. The precarious life that unfolds before us, the precious life that we oh so frequently disregard,  might have a deadline sooner that we know or wish for it to be. I know, this is getting a wee bit gloomy, a tad bit depressing, but the point is, it is a good thing to know about the deadlines before hand, as we put in that extra pizzaz into an otherwise taken for granted life, wherein we assume we are here to stay, forever more.

At that thought, I smile. I know predictions aren't going to serve us right or well, but being here and now, doing what's needed to be done, is an exercise that should make us put the much needed life into living. 

There's this Ballroom, and a  Prince reluctant to let go of you, Glass slippers that won't fit another foot, and a Fairy Godmother rigging things in your favor. She'll take care of it all. But you have to take care of the deadline she had imposed upon you. Only then the fairytale would unfold. 

Just believe in Magic, and you shall find it.

But make sure you run for dear life to make it to the carriage before all you can make would be a pumpkin pie.

;)

A-Z Day 3 - C for Curtains

Peek a Boo

Through the filters

The virtual, the veritable

Guarding, concealing

What there is.

What do you see?

Beyond the layers?

Do you seek to see to begin with?

Or does your sight skim through the surface

Swimming shallow, living hollow!

Playing hide and seek 

Are flutters bright and bleak

Day's nuances carefully covered

Obscure to what doesn't bother

To delve, to dig

Deep within

Through the layers of fabrics, Fibs

And curated facades.

Do you look or  see?

Do you listen or  hear?

Do you live or  exist?

Do you draw them close in your delusion

Or reveal the real in your lucidity?

Photo by Castorly Stock from Pexels

 

A-Z Day 2 - B for Because

I jumped on the A-Z challenge because I realized my daily grind is taking over my life and I am not doing the one thing that I consistently loved since I was a child. That one thing is writing. I remember having small notepads with scribbles of random words and doodles that didn't make sense to anyone except yours truly. Writing was my consistent companion, my best friend that soaked in a processed all things life threw at me. And with this challenge, I sign up for a commitment to keep at it, only to realize how much I need to stay in touch with this writing side of me - this catharsis, this metamorphosis, this coping mechanism through the maze called life, and reducing it to a task that needs to kick in my programmed commitment is kind of a paradox, I also realize. But thanks to the course corrections that come at us, when we least expect. This challenge is definitely a gentle nudge to me, into bringing this stray back to the writing therapy.

So a huge Thank You to the Universe, to the creators and the participants, including me - given that I look at myself as a third party. Well, I need to check back with my parents about the number of times I was dropped on my head since everyone that knows me enough is pretty convinced that I was dropped atleast once. Now circumstantial evidence points at multiple times, as you might agree by now ;)

"Because" comes very handy to me. Being the pseudo intellectual that I am, I enjoy breaking down things, making sense out of the world around me and the age old 'program' that looks for the commitment "Because" to keep at the ambition of doing the mildly ambitious things my otherwise non ambitious self signs up to do.

But this "Because" led me to some epiphanies as I was pseudo meditating this afternoon, while in my mind's eye, there was this word "Because" that popped up as a sign. Then I deduce that this because is as important as it isn't in my humble existence.

While I discovered that I do things "Because", there's a big chunk of my life that defies this word. I realized that I find myself on autopilot by and large, doing things without the customary "Because" preceding them. I sit here, feeling intensely blessed for all those things that defy the Because. All those things I do and I don't for what, or why. All those little acts of love I live through without a reason, without a season and without a preposition.

B dear Brethren that loves to blog - is for Being. The punch in the Human that's supposed to be.

Because there's no need of a because to Be in the Being.

:)

 Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

A-Z Day 1 - A for Abstract

"She is a Light Weaver.

And I am a Power House.

What are you?"

She asked.

"Nothing"

I paused.

"I am nothing"

"Butterfly?"

She suggested, seeming like she didn't hear me.

"Doesn't it feel light?"

She pursuaded.

"Right and Light both"

When looked back into where it started.

Images of caterpillars and larva flash in the Nothing

Of my mind.

"But nothing is the same in me now"

I intended the pun.

"So, I am nothing"

"If not for this challenge, I would have mused in my silence,

Silence muffled in this duality of a Illusion.

Paradox, that I am, my nothingness dons a pop up studio.

Capturing visions out of nothing.

Those impressions float into the fluff of these words.

"Or a Black Hole may be?"

The persistent little imp rejects the moniker of Nothing.

"Point?"

I smile.

As she takes a bow.

She loves me and my nothingness.

She loves the No-Body, that dwells in this body

Which doodles in words, muses in phrases

Knowing

She's Nothing!

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