The first born was a clingy child - happy, easy to manage, but clingy, like super glue - I doubt if much had changed since then, after thirteen winters to our back. She had opened new perspectives to my world and made me evolve in the way I loved. 'Unconditional" They say - such a misused, misconstrued term. Only a mother is supposed to know it and execute it. At two and a half, she got her first time out. She did something rude to her grandmother. "She is too young to understand" my MIL insisted. I believed differently. I wanted to drive home the point sooner than later, that we need to be considerate.
At four and a half, I locked her in the garage, now before someone calls the authorities on me, I did keep a watchful eye. That episode, she remembers with great detail and improvises with every narration. I am the badass mom. She knows that. She has umpteen opportunities to point out my badassness. But she also knows I don't care this way or that. Or she probably, secretly believes that I love her unconditionally.
We used to have many mom-daughter dates - specially on Thursdays during her Kindegarten. Fried rice store was her favorite place to eat. To the uninitiated, it is the Thai restaurant two blocks away. To date, that remains her favorite place to eat, alongside of most sandwich places, pizza places and salad bars. Yes, we are the foodie duo. We both love to cook and to eat all the same. We bond over our menu planning escapades. She's wonderful for the ego and also brutal at the same time - the flavor she decides to don is as unpredictable as her adolescent attitude. But I try to stay unfazed. I probably get away with a little pretention when I fail to stay unfazed or go all evil mode and give it back to her. I don't know how being cool works all the time. I am flawed. It doesn't work for me 24 by seven.
She reads me like a book. If I stay calm, she'd come and linger around - she'd probe. She'd cajole a conversation. She has a wicked sense of humor and she makes me chuckle in the worst of my mood swings. As she ages, I get more conscious about how much I preach. I take the other road - of leading by example. I hope I do a good job. We'll all have our regrets. I am trying to minimize my parental regrets and I hope that one day she'd vouch for it.
There's a perpetual list of parental instructions. "Drink water" "Your hands are dry - use moisturizer" "Clean after yourself" "Talk less, be silent, connect to the source" "Keep away your laundry" "Why are your lips so dry? Don't we have enough lip balms manifesting in every goddamned draw?" "No reverence to things you overprivileged brat!" "Read" "Read" "Read".... Thankfully, I never need to prompt her to be respectful or loving toward anyone. It comes naturally to her and that makes up for a very content mother.
She keeps checking if she is as tall as I am. I keep telling her that there are more things to us than our appearances. But then she slants her hand and levels it with my head "See we are the same height" She quips. "That's a parallax error" I quip back. We both laugh.
The other day, we were discussing parenting choices and I told her that every parent wishes the best for their kid, but sometimes they might not seem to be doing it. "No parent is perfect" I added.
She paused and said " But you are perfect mom". In all honesty, I was humbled. I am far from perfect. I seem to be more happy and loving with her when she cleans her room, hangs her coat and empties the dishwasher. In reality, I am not supposed to be that. I feel that unconditional love is a hoax...But then she says I am perfect. May be, it isn't a hoax after all. Some of us tend to love others the way they are, in their task master,' badass mom' glory.
I do try for some perfection moments though - like the recreation of her favorite Thai rice from the fried rice store, pictured above. "You are the best cook mother" She eats a mouthful and proclaims. I know I probably overdid the umami or added a tad much of that soy sauce...But she calls it perfect anyway. Then I come to see where perfection lies. It is always within, always in the way we choose to look at things, in the way we choose to love and live! While she is eager to catch up with my height, I hope I can catch up with her ability to love.
Thirteen years ago, a mother was born, she is far from being perfect or unconditional, but she gets away with both the titles.
Only love. Can transform. The ordinary. Into Extraordinary.
