Semusing # 19 - Wordless Wednesday

Semusing #18 - Verse

Between finding and losing 

Silence and speech

Expression and nonchalance

I know the content

You carefully conceal

Between clinging and fending

Smiling and frowning

Confessing and confiding

I know the gist

You slyly hide

Between joy and tears

Hopes and fears

Embracing and ignoring

I know the distress

You ruthlessly bury.

Between you and me

A seamless flow

I dare you to sever

Try as you might

You'll come back home

To the arms of true love.

Between real and surreal

The lines blur 

As we unite in spirit

Then everything in between

Blurs into union

Then this between

Becomes the biggest illusion

Dispersed into eternal fusion.

Semusing #17 - When it rains, It pours.

Rain makes me very happy. Any type of rain - the drip, the drizzle, the cyclone and everything in between. Sheets of water pouring in, changing the ambiance, the look and feel of the outside. I find the whole phenomena  of rain very thought through, probably the way all natural phenomenon are, from the seasonal cycles, or the life cycles of frogs and butterflies. It puts the human creation in perspective for me and makes me gasp at the unfathomable intellect that is the divine. I know, all roads lead to Rome these days, or my findings in my spiritual quest, but about rain we are musing, and about rain it would remain - though it would flip to be the figurative one, as we progress into the ponder.

When I looked at the phrase "When it rains, it pours" I always see a positive ring to it. Not until recently did I realize, that this phrase has a negative annotation - as in indicating that misfortunes never come alone. "Aye Aye" my grey cells went - "What a Godforsaken mind, pray, had come up with indicating Rain as a misfortune? Tch tch" But isn't interpretation something that isn't generic? It's got to be unique I concluded and thought of using it in a positive sense - as come on people, rain has to be a dopamine infusing event. Nothing less. Full stop.

So the calendar flips to the nineteenth day of the 9th month, and here I am almost conceding to the inertia of taking it easy. "Almost" being the operative word. Since almost can flip and become something else all of a sudden. So here I sit, at the end of a very tiring day that comprised of major home improvement projects being executed in the backdrop of dusting, arranging and parenting - and - 'drum roll' - cooking the first full blown meal for a wine and dine on a week night with some dear guests. After all this, I pause and go - if it rains, it might as well pour. Why not extend the exhaustion a little bit and catch up with some backlogs? But truth be told. I had no definite subject to ponder about. As the day unfolded, between pauses of the incessant brain chatter, I get  bombarded with ideas galore, but today, I chose not to rhyme or reason - I chose to free-form write over a random phrase that caught my fancy and wanted it to be a fatigue drenching pour - making the duality take a time out in a quiet corner, as I complete my commitment. 

And I wish, it pours into your beings, into your homes and hearts - this rain of your choice - love, moolah, or just inspiration to get going on a commitment, what ever your choice of pouring, let it drench you. On that note - I wrap up hashtag seventeenth semusing. Sometimes, you make sense, sometimes you don't - but as long as you keep at it, mind, your reader's won't (Hehe, now you are obligated to not mind ;-))

Semusing #16 - Go on!

One misses a day
And it goes on to be three
Just then realization strikes
That perseverance is the key.
Polys ample
Decoys plentiful
But one word - just one
Persist -
Over the daily grind
Inertia, laze, haze
Over the mundane maze.
Day sixteen
A heap of abstraction
Keeping at it - pulling up
Viola! The show goes on.

Semusing #15 - Debate

It is an average weekend in the household, The man of the house is donned into the pretend play of a farmer in the modest backyard with the two rugrats trying to participate in the game alongside, while I do my mundane chores with a renewed enthusiasm. Most of the debris from the demolition is swept out and though the floors look raw and incomplete, the toughest part of the redo is done with. I celebrate with a cup of ginger tea on my functioning 'brand spanking new' stove top and grab a book for company.

The preteen comes in with a proposition. "There's a carnival going on in the park - we should go take some rides and eat funnel cake" She beams. "Let's see" - I answer, feeling nauseous at the mention of rides and funnel cake - both of which I do repel, to put mildly.

"Do you see the mess we are surrounded by? Go pick all the books that you want to donate and put them in the laundry basket" I make a futile attempt to sidetrack the idea of going out into the crowds.

"You know the phrase I despise the most?, Let's see"

"Which phrase?"

"Let's see - duh!" That is so confusing and on the fence. You are never direct and to the point. I demand a yes or a no"

"Well, let's see - I have a Let's see or a no. You can pick one"

"Not fair" She pouts "Give me a good reason to say no"

"Well, I'd been in a mess for two weeks now. I need to get things in order so I don't continue to be in a mess for two more weeks and we'll be done with rearranging the house by the times the new floors come in. I don't think I can afford to hang out in the park and take rides today"


"But it is not fun without you" She pleads.

"Let's keep our funs separate dear. You go have fun and don't force me into something that isn't fun for me. I can accomplish a lot by skipping the carnival. Besides, you know, I don't enjoy even the smallest of rides"

"You are a kill joy mother" She ups her ante into coaxing me.

"I am tired darling. I don't take well to the smell of the grass and all that park has is acres and acres of grass. And imagine hundreds of people out there. I am in no mood to make small talk with a hundred people I know that I might run into"

She starts laughing.

"Don't flatter yourself mother, You don't know a hundred people. You at the most know five. And three of them would stay home avoiding the crowds anyway, just like you"

The dad breaks into an uncontrollable chuckle.

"Okay, okay" I start laughing too. "I don't want to come out and say hello to the two people I know"

She lifts her hands up in the air and gives up. The trio go on their outing while I work indoors like an energizer bunny. Ah, the bliss of being left alone :-)

But I make a mental note. There aren't a hundred people waiting to say hello to me. May be next time, it'll comfort me enough to make that weekend trip to the super market. For now, it is I, me, myself and my musing number fifteen :)

Semusing #14 - Bless this Mess

Another day, zooming to the half way mark, and I sit here in solitude enjoying my own company. The past couple of weeks have presented me with what I call the perfect situation - experience meets enlightenment - well, not The Buddha kind of enlightenment, as yet (and I aspire for it - you can laugh, I don't mind ;) ) but the one that puts you in a spot, to make you decode yet another path in the maze of life.
We have been putting off some home improvement for a long time, possibly because I happened to do a lot of it in my mind and on the design board - I feel that too much of thought can be a kill joy. When you speculate too much, it kind of withers your spontaneity and the projects fizz out into oblivion. But then, we were presented with a 'can't but' situation when the stove top broke and it was too outdated to be replaced. Hence the domino effect came into play as the counters were to be replaced to update the stove and suddenly,  we see ourselves in this big mess of dismantle, and an ambitious project of rebuilding the kitchen around the bare walls and redoing the floors to get rid of the carpet that's been lying around for a bit too long. Now, I am not going to bore you all with my taste of interiors and my domestic dreams.  As all of this got me into a bigger picture than that.

I firmly believe that God puts us through 'situations' to make us empathize with the world around us. Without adversity, there isn't appreciation. Without struggle, there isn't success... yada yada yada....All these sound like such armchair philosophy but when we are in a situation, where we actually experience things - this experience, by God, paired with the right amount of introspection can do wonders to your soul evolution - As I plan not to make this about my spritual journey either, I cautiously come back to my ponder - about the Mess and the lesson thereof.

The first couple of days were spent in getting a grip on emptying the 'stuff' out - suddenly, I was swimming in the figurative sea of consumerism. I looked at the things I gathered and was awed by the 'need' we have to accumulate - I am happy to report, that my favorite place to shop - Home Goods, felt like a torture chamber post emptying my kitchen. I have a fresh perspective on anything kitchen related as that happens to be my downfall into stimulating the economy, if you know what I mean ;)

I had a makeshift kitchen operating out of a near cluttered nook table - the table in question was housing every little thing we needed for survival, sharing space with a modest induction stove. My dosas came out looking like sad faces drooping at the end, most of my elaborate preparations were reduced to 'dump all in cooker and blast the temp to the highest setting' mode - This is survival at the toughest I had experienced so far. I suddenly started feeling powerless. Like my day is a Girl Scout survival camp in the deep woods, away from all worldly comforts. And, the chore I loathe of all - washing dishes - I would not get started on how this was escalated to a whole new level of torture in the dingy laundry sink located in the dingy laundry room that also doubled  as a pathway for the workers to come in and out of the garage, where most material was housed. I don't in the least, intend to make this a pity party - as I have no reason to pity myself. I am just putting things in retrospect and musing about the epiphany that was presented to me in the 'teachable moment' life had presented me with.

'S h one t' hit the fan when the demo of the hard floors came into picture - rancid smell of the power tool scraping the concrete through layers of existing hard floors, saw dust flying in all different directions, messy surfaces doused in the residues and war zone like sounds and thuds gave the perfect background score to a royal mess as I ship the toddler out with the dad, quarantined in the safe confines of my room, doing a recap of things I am going through. I, once in a while peek from the railing to see this young man with protective gear working through the mess like a war hero. Every time his eyes catch mine, he nods in greeting with a grin splashing from ear to ear. "Si Senora' He would say and I smile back. I see the other workers engrossed in their duties like saints in meditation. An older gentle man keeps humming to himself while he works away. I suddenly feel so spoiled, like an entitled brat and this renewed empathy for people going through all kinds of mess floods my insides. "I don't have a working kitchen to make some coffee for them" my guilt complex kicks in. So does my conscience, nudging me to see the epiphany. I think I have upgraded myself to empathize with people going through real time messes - displacements as a result of natural calamities, compromises due to financial challenges and the unseen emotional clutter many of us cruise through in this big bad arena called life. Suddenly, I feel one with all of these challenges, wanting to reach out and do my part and help - instead of just being a word warrior and musing about these things in elaborate articulation. So for now, I'll do what I do best, give my lesson a word form - for every mess out there, be it emotional or material, I feel there is light at the end of the tunnel. I know I'll very soon cook in the kitchen of my dreams, laden in white cabinetry and mosaic back splash  and I wish, to each and every one out there in some kind of a mess, that God is overlooking and He shall reveal to you the fruit of your fortitude.

As for the spiritual quest, that I promised I wouldn't linger upon - guess what? Tough! I am going to (grin)- but in a 'short and sweet' fashion - here goes - Every challenge we face presents to us an opportunity to learn, to evolve - only if we brace ourselves, snap out of our self pity and look over at the horizon. Let each mess bless us in ways we cannot imagine - in ways that draw us closer to the ring of our souls. Amen.

Semusing #13 - Hinge

When you subscribe to something, specially when it is to doing something in a routine for a whole entire month, and that routine happens to be writing, thankfully, you get into a different mode of existing. I call it the 'muser' mode. Muse is each of nine Goddesses in Greek mythology. Nine goddesses, the daughters of Zeus and Mnemosyne, who preside over the arts and sciences. So when I find myself in this amusing muser mode, I look at everything in a deeper, broader sense and seem to find findings that rehaul the outdated version of me. 

Yesterday, I woke up to a visual on my social media feed and boom - I was as awake as I could get, without the aid of my morning tea. Is this an epiphany? But of course. 

The picture made me laugh, smile and get up to a wonderful thought. Nine lovely ladies, demonstrating so many layers of life. It was one of those inspirations that seem to give you something in a perpetual stream of giving. And I got to doing what I could do best - comb through the visual cue and do my learning I'd come to do here, on this lovely planet.

I was imagining the fun it'd have been to conceive this idea, to brain storm it, to collaborate and to execute...Though I am no project manager, I have a mild clue of how it is to collab and get things flowing when more than one person is involved in a task. I find it hard to get three of my dearies to the dinner table at the same time.. you know where my empathy for bigger collab flows out of. So,  when I look at this perfectly orchestrated picture, I only sit and wonder how much of a sync these ladies would have had, to pull off something as metaphorical as this picture.  They seem to represent to me, the fine art of support, balance, cooperation and understanding - having each other's backs while not stopping at even bending backwards in offering the support. This is perhaps, a lovely example of how we can cruise through the ups and downs of life, only if we snap out of our cocoons of being upright and secure. Only if we look at others with an empathetic eye, only if we give up our right to be right or in the right spot all the time.

Life is a breeze, said no one. It is an avalanche, a tornado of sorts. But with a few hinges on our backs that support us, get us and pull us up, we'll be back on track simulating a breeze out of a tempest. Here's to the fighting, helping human spirit, to understanding, to finding fun in our daily cares and most importantly, to the fulcrum called friendship that has our back, no matter the position we are forced into, in this tricky game called existence. Long live the biggest bond of all.


Footnote - So, fair warning friends- I'll use anything you say or do in my writings and give them my own spin - (but if it happens to be something I need to seek permission to reproduce, like the picture above - I'll do it before I use it - Thanks to my friend Prashanthi for the generous allowance of using the nine Muses for my musing and to her army of lovely friends - to each of you, a big cyber hug! God bless your camaraderie and may you all continue to spread your light, touch more lives and inspire the likes of me )

Semusing #12 - Force

There's this pesky voice
Inside my insides
Wrapped and vacuum sealed
So she doesn't mess the outsides.
I keep her under lock and key
So she won't rampage wild and free
But she manages to set herself loose
And stops me from putting my writing brains to use.
I say Shhh.. while joining my hands in plea
I need to keep up my commitments, but she won't seem to agree.
She pulls me down, makes me want to give up
She creates a little tempest in a tea cup.
You have a headache, you need to rest
Stop this silly, useless blog fest!
I give in ever so slightly, and get under her spell
And give a nod to what she has to tell.
But then again, I come to sense
And here I play my best defense
What if I don't have a musing to muse
I could put myself to good use.
So, muse I am, my own today
And from the semusing I wouldn't dare to stray...
It is a verse, devoid of sense
"But fake it till you make it" they say- this nonsense hence.

#11 - The current

It feels like fall

Crisp air, mosit on the skin

The foliage in full swing

Of show off!

Shades of crimson

Hues of Golden

Competing in vibrance

Cat calling the passers by

With their loud attires.

It feels like fall

An underscore of moderation,

A hiphen between the scorching summers

And wile winters

Green moss scaling the stoned stones

Papdi chip like leaves

Crunching under the sensory footsteps

Pumpkin spice, Pomegranates

Ready to burst on the taste buds.

It feels like fall

Trees ready to skinny dip

Shedding their garb, basking bare

Celebrating their nudity

Diving into the chilly onslaught

Awaiting for an entangle

Coaxing them into a recharge

To spring back in renewed vigor,

As the show must go on

After a resting hiatus.

It feels like fall

Up from the daily grind

Landing into the vibe of the shades

Into a paint splashed canvas

Of warm tones, dry textures.

It feels like fall

The one that makes hearts skip beats

And knees go weak.

It feels like fall.

A free fall,

Fracturing all joints

Dismantling them into a painless bliss

Soaring in the lap of love.

It feels like fall with an ing form in tow

Yes,It feels like falling

Into a present continuous tense

Of rapture.

Pictured - The Inspiration - Our friendly neighborhood Emerald glen in fall splendor. Courtesy - Chandra Elango

# 10 - Inspired

As I soak up a lot of literature based on Spirituality, Philosophy and Mysticism, I renew my ever new awe toward nature and its magnificence.  I get very moved by human creativity, be it a writing, a painting, a building or an app. But lately I consciously realize that almost everything a human being creates stems from the inspiration of Godly creation. I have this white tiger cub soft toy, that makes every one fall in love with its black and white contrast and blue eyes resembling lucid lakes by the Swiss alps. Isn't it amusing how we cannot get enough of what God creates and we make an attempt to hold on to that beauty a little longer by paying a tribute of recreating it in our own humble way? A friend of mine laughs at all the motifs I have on my serve ware. Butterflies, bumble bees, dandelions, irises, dragonflies and lady bugs. "You are so intrigued by insects" She laughs. Truth be told, I gasp at every little aspect of the Creator's magnum opus and wonder if it is just His ploy to make us all swoon over his ability. As if he scatters millions of miracles around our pathways of life, amid all those big and little challenges, heart breaks and sorrows we are encountered with. It is probably his divine design to carefully, with the calculation of an expert, place them in strategic spots to remind us that no matter what we create, what we achieve or what we attain - the ultimate power, intelligence and bliss lies in his hands. When I came across this picture of the Kadambam flower, shot by a photographer friend, I had a brain freeze for longer than a moment. The intricacy of its arrangement, the precision, the perfection brought into focus the purpose of human life. It is perhaps these coping mechanisms that make our lives worthwhile - to stop and to stare, to smell the roses, to inhale the misty morning air, to feel the evening breeze caress our faces, to let the sunrise tranport us to the bliss and solace of nature.

It fills me with joy that I can never recreate in words. But I try never the less. Cause they say imitation is the biggest form of flattery. So let me indulge the Supreme up there with a humble tribute in meager wordage.

The ochre shades

Blurring the illusion of the world

Bringing to light

His divine delight.

It's worth many a lifetimes of earthbound maladies

Just to swoon over his craftsmanship.

But make this my last stop

And I promise to gasp at Your every stroke

Soaking it all and basking in your enormity

Floating like an speck of dust

Longing to embrace the Grace.

Pic Credit - Chaithanya Kanni

Semusing # 9 - For better or for Verse

We all have, hopefully at least one person that loves us beyond our wildest imaginations. Someone that makes us step back and wonder, or look around to confirm if it is really us they are targeting their affections at, or if it is someone behind or beside us they are eyeing and if we are caught in an optical illusion. "Who me?" We'd mouth in a dazed state - beside ourselves with doubt! - I had the good fortune of experiencing such love from this young woman on the other side of the globe. One fine morning, while I was entertaining myself in a lonely monologue in this blog of mine, she discovered me on the world wide web. "I am your biggest fan" She'd say. "You find words for my feelings" She'd continue. "Your writings make my day better" She'd gush - and the self conscious, self proclaimed writer in me would gape at the adulation, clueless and baffled. Soon enough, She and I become fast friends. I realize upon a few interactions that she enjoys the same kind of music as I did, was studying Electronics and loved to play the guitar. I needed a name for her, a name  I would address her by and then I called her 'The little one' 

The little one wasn't all that little in person - she stood as tall as I am and she has a smile that could light up a room (I know this is a cliche, but the cliche doesn't go far in describing her smile, may be it lights up the whole town) - her eyes squint as she flashes a row of perfectly white teeth that makes me wonder if  her tooth paste has salt and lemon in it! The little one and I exchanged letters, lengthy conversations, music, and even a miracle stone that made wishes come true - and by exchange I mean, I was at the receiving end of most of them. Sometimes she was at the receiving end too, of discourses,constructive criticism (read being shouted at) and reprimanding as and when the situation demanded. She soaks in all of it with unconditional love. When I was going through a very turbulent time in life, a few years ago, She sent me picture books and tender loving care to cheer me up, for which I am greatly indebted. She wore her white GShock I sent her till it turned a dirty brown, just to proclaim all the love she had for me. Then the little one got hitched and transformed into a mom. A baby Virgo girl  promptly substituted the 'guruji' in her life. Or so I thought. 

Little one surfaces consistently, albeit sporadically to make sure her guruji remembers her. She squeals in joy every time I write a blog. Specially, when I banter in elaboration and don't resort to a verse. "Keep writing blogs not poems Dee" She'd request. "Why?" I'd ask "It is so hard to get your verse" She laughs. And I laugh too at the thought of how blind love makes us.

The other day she pinged me out of the blue, jumping straight to a question. "When are you writing a book?" Now that I am used to her abruption, I text a LOL emoji and say - "When ever it is time and you are ready to pay to read my *insert mild expletive*  "But let's see if a clairvoyant tells me I am going to indeed be a published writer" 

"He'd tell you it'd change lives as well, when he tells you you are going to write a book" She fills me in instantly. My heart skips a beat soaking in all that love. "Life has been a roller coaster the past year, I don't know if I can write anything close to a book" I'd smile. 

 "That it has been always, ever since I know you! A roller coaster. How does it slow you down now?" She challenges me. 

I pause. Speechless. Sometimes we can never wrap our head around our blessings. Or why and how we come to deserve such love, such adulation. Such hero worship. 

All this ponder brings me to Jallaluddin Rumi. "The Beauty you see in me is a reflection of you" I repeat the quote subconsciously. 

"I am musing all September - I add" - "Yay" she squeals amid peals of laughter. "Make sure they are all not verses" She warns me. "I shall" I promise.

I look far and wide for inspiration sometimes. Specially when I know I have a commitment at the end of the day. Several thoughts crossed my mind today, that had a potential for musability. But I thought, I'd make this first person banters more about my dear ones than about myself. I know, I write about her love for me - but like they say  "To be loved is nothing, To love is something, to love and to be loved is everything"

The little one made me realize that even the most ordinary of things can look extraordinarily illuminated if you throw on the light of your love to look at them. It is all, as they say, in the eyes of the beholder. Thank you Little one, for the bright spot you are, for the timbre in your laughter, for your disgusting genre of jokes that haven't evolved since your kindergarten years, for renouncing your 'wish granting' stone for my sake and for being honest about the  non comprehensibility of my verse. I would, If I could, thank you enough for all the 'conditions don't apply' fondness. XOXO

Picture Credit - Chaithanya Kanni