This n that!

Y

          As a child, I was a huge dreamer and a very detailed one at that! Perhaps, a little unsettled and fickle too..well, actually a lot unsettled and fickle. All these qualities gave me multiple and mysterious auras. I had people around me, including family members, uncles and aunts, sort me into assorted stereotypes. In one phase I was an 'all wrapped in myself' child. At an other, I was a teenager in a fantasy land. Into my late teens, I was an 'unrealistic escapist'. I talked very less back then. I never made it a point to challenge any of these slottings. My words were confined to my head, and it kept buzzing with loads of them, all the time. I was very present in my world, I just didn't make it a point to hype that presence. And that led to a lot of liberal branding that was stamped onto me. I knew very young and ahead of my times that I was not looking for 'approval'! My ambitions were conspicuously absent. My dreams were obnoxiously prominent. I was very laid back.."What is the difference between laid back and lazy?" Someone asked me. I found answers in my own head. Laid back was a lack of rush, a lack of definite dreams and a lack of conscious drive to achieve them. Lazy was a lack of intent to act, lack of activity, so to speak...in my own head though, mind you :-) I was never lazy. Seldom physically, never mentally! But my ambitions were always very trivial. Mockingly trivial in the present context.

           I find joy in little things. My sense of accomplishment blossoms when I cook a hearty meal, take an extra effort to teach a child how to draw the star of David with its six points aligned in an eye pleasing manner or sort my  thoughts out and get my own approval. Cause as much I am 'Oh so easy to please' I find me looking down at myself all the time. Lately, I had realized that being ambitious has many facets to it, and doing the trivial things is actually the tough thing. 

          

           As a home maker with a part time pastime ( I cannot call it profession, the teaching I do at home) I find some time to volunteer at my kid's school. My voluntary work dated back to when I was much younger without the kid. I went, got my TB test and finger prints cleared to teach math ( in our neighborhood school) to kids that  were academically challenged. I was stuck with ill behaving, temperamental preteens and no pay whatsoever. I kept at it and one day, The toughest of the boys actually confessed that he 'misses' me when I take a break. Just recently, I took up the overly ambitious task of working with a mixed media project in my kid's classroom. I go in there to teach art every week. This particular one was over the top, done on a 16x24 construction paper. It involved 26 unruly, emotionally unstable seven year olds, colored paper, scissors, crayons, sketch pens, glitter, glue sticks, cotton balls, foam sheets, paint and pointillism. I dealt with frustration, pouting, tears, whining, pleading and a lot of 'what was I thinking' thoughts crossing my mind. Five hours of hard work, and the masterpieces were put up on the wall to marvel at. I was rewarded with puny hi fives, hugs and smiles. No paycheck, no certificates of excellence. I walked away with a dull headache, a cranked neck and a grin pasted from ear to ear..I am still the same all these years, still slotted, still laid back..but I suddenly realized that I am possibly the most ambitious person I'd ever met, and thankfully, I don't need an approval stamped on it ;-)