Semusing #2 - The Stretch

It was the beginning of a brand new school year last month and the preteen showed up poker faced the first two days. I wanted to know more about her new class and teachers but as she grows, I see that extracting information from her requires a lot of knack, questioning and probing. It almost gives me the feeling of playing a law enforcement officer interrogating a suspect.

"So how was school today?"

"Okay"

"Do you know anyone from any of your classes?"

"Hmm"

"Is that a yes or a no?"

"Hmm, I don't know" "Wait..X is in my core class"

"Oh cool...someone we know for long. Must be exciting"

And then she goes silent. Until I gather the patience to ask more questions.

A couple of days after first day of school, when I was busy in the kitchen, I heard her from behind me.

"Amma, I don't like a particular teacher Miss D"

I paused for a while not knowing where this conversation that was initiated by her is heading. 

"But I thought they aren't teaching anything yet...So, you find her teaching too hard to understand?"

"No, no..She's not started any lessons yet. But she has this attitude. She is very strict about the rules in the class. She wants everyone to have a certain colored folders. How does the color of a folder change anything? Some kids bought folders already and it is all going to be a waste of money and effort for them"

"But how much does a folder cost? a dollar?"

"It costs 25 cents. That is beyond the point"

"What is the point then?"

"The point is that she has way too many expectations. And an accent."

"She sound like me then. Expectations and an accent, no wonder you don't like her"

"Very funny! I mean, she says Comfourtaible for comfortable"

"But you all know what she means when she says that. How does pronunciation matter?"

The know all preteen gives a pause. "Well, it doesn't matter really! But she says she would allow only one toilet break per week. Are we enrolled into a boot camp or what?" She does the characteristic middle schooler eye roll.

"Good for her, she has the rules down. As much as I know dealing with middle / high school students first hand, I would lay down rules of the game ahead too, just to save you all some surprises and save myself some being sassed"

"So you don't mind buying me new folders in the said color"

"I don't. It won't makes us go bankrupt for one thing and she might have a reason behind color coding. May be she teaches several classes and can bifurcate them easily based on the folder color"

"Well, that's not the point. She doesn't smile much. She is a serious type"

"I would only bother about the 'type' if I am going to spend the rest of my life married to her"

"And you call me sassy? look at how you talk to your 12 year old, do you even understand that there is a three year old that listens to you and picks up on your phrases?"

"Let us get to the point - why don't you like her? Is she not good at her subject?"

Suddenly she falls silent. "I don't know amma. May be I need to think through why I don't seem to like her"

Then I get on my soapbox and dispense my parental gyaan. Trying not to sound too imposing. "May be we stretch a little on our preconceived notions. Whether we choose to like or hate a person, we always find ways to justify it to ourselves. It seldom happens that you look at a person you dislike and say - He/she is very reasonable, it is me that chose to look at him/ her a certain way. If she is here to teach me something, the only gauge I would use to judge her is if she fails in some way to perform her duties as a teacher, I do not expect her to befriend me or pick the color of the class folder corresponding to my choice"

"You think so high of yourself don't you? Like you can simplify everything?"

"I don't know what I think of myself but you seem to know more of what I think than I do myself"

"You know the problem with you? We argue but you make sure you always win"

"May be I only argue if I have a winning point"

"Fine. I'll keep a close watch on the teacher and report her back to you"

A couple of days pass and I actually see the teacher in action at the 'back to school night'- She does have rules and an accent alright and she smiles a little less than me but she seemed to be a very sharp and sensible lady.

When I got home that day, the preteen eagerly greeted me at the door.

"So who's your favorite?"

"I like all of them. They all seem to have such different and wise personalities. I am so excited for you. You can pick some wonderful experiences this year going by the team of teachers you have"

"what do you think about Miss D?"

"Oh she is so smart. She taught honors in a private high school before moving to our city, did you know that? 

"Is that a big deal amma?"

"A bigger deal than you can imagine. And if you are too caught up on how less she smiles and how many rules she runs her class by, you'll lose out on learning all the cool stuff she knows - just imagine sitting through an hour judging her for her pronunciation and disciplinary actions. And I think she'll get her paycheck deposited into her bank irrespective of whether or not you choose to like her while you might be busy disliking her and staying only as smart as you were in your previous grade"

                                                    *********************

Fast forward to almost the third week into the new school year, the preteen comes to report to me that she is liking Miss D more than she thought she could and Miss D seems to like her as well. All this exchange of opinions kind of made me process some lessons for myself. My child helped me to put a lot of what we subconsciously assume and distort, into my awareness. May be I grow in the process of raising her, if you discount that random episodes when I raise my voice instead of myself and turn into a hot heap of temper when she sasses me.

"I thought you were meditating lately to find your inner peace. So much for your spiritual quest"

"God puts the devil in your way to test your peace sometimes. I should be more mindful the next time"

"Did you call me a devil? - The apple didn't fall too far away from the tree"

"Oh, they had a hurricane when the apple fell and it was blown a few miles away"

She chuckles but pouts to show her displeasure "You make sure you win all the time"

"I make sure I argue only when I have a point"

"Fine...you think you are perfect don't you?"

"That's what you think of me"

She rolls her eyes and stomps away.

I smile to myself. It is fun to sass her to her level and to raise her to mine. And I hope I'll finish my job of parenting with minimal dents and scratches - cause I am convinced that no matter how you deal with it, parenting is the toughest job in the world and it might leave some adverse side effects. She really thinks I am perfect notwithstanding my shortcomings. I am far away from it. But when I look at the responsibility I have before me, I try to be more sensible than I am as I cannot be perfect. It is an exhausting job and as long as it works, I am willing to be happily exhausted.