I was very tempted to sprinkle a few words here and there and write the self proclaimed verse today. But somehow the 'time' angels are benevolent on me for the better part of the day, I wanted to write a short story. Then the interaction with the first born lent a new food for thought and here I am kicking off this ponder as a GenX, old woman, looking down upon the gen Z Zoomers. But it'll take a twist I promise. Or I presume.
Not too long ago, the first born got an Instagram account. I wasn't consenting of the idea (or the consenting parent at least, which is not moi - the other part of the parenting unit is the arch nemesis to this bad cop) So, we agreed to disagree and kid1 got her Instagram account. I sent her a follow request from my benami (nameless) cooking page that has a whooping follower tally of three, and she promptly declined. I didn't, in the least do this as an attempt to moderate her activity in there. She is fourteen and is old enough to make her decisions and appreciate her freedom. But somehow she sent me a request later in the day. Which I accepted. In three hours time, this tot of mine garnered over 250 followers and I am sitting here nodding this neutral nod as she proceeded to be Narcissus personified and click a gazillion pouty selfies to zero upon her social media portfolio. Thus 'operation profile picture' kicked off. I let things be and did my neutral observation.
I chanced upon this other kid's profile in her account. The said kid had some creativity going on. Great shots of his everyday, carefully placed so as to take the focus off of him and put it on his picture stories. "I love this kid" I said to her. "Why don't you do something original?, now that you are at it, why don't you bake, or sew, or take pictures of the spring blooms in the garden, or sketch or sing...why don't you sing?" I did get the characteristic eye roll as a response. "But mother, this is what kids in 2020 do. They have tiktok videos, dub themselves to pretentious bits of dialogues and bask in the glory of full blown narcissism" I mean, she didn't say this verbatim but that's how the translation sounded to me.
Again, I would not know what got into her, but the kid said she'd want to open another Instagram "Singing" account this time around. I'll risk sounding like the mother I am, but this kid does have some singing talent. Playing the piano and learning Indian classical vocal probably set the precursor to it. I finally was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. The kid uploaded parts of a karaoke that spoke about 'herself' - now when she played it for me, I asked, "Is this original?" - "You expect this to be original? Really?" came the answer. I mean, the lyrics were this self glorified fetish of pain that teens subject themselves to these days, and I thought, it could be original. Anyway, She got them up and aired and the likes and comments came in.
Shortly afterwards, she came down saying, "Mom" you got to love someone like N as a friend. Now the N in question is a girl that went to school with the firstborn for a few years now. They knew each other as little kids. "So I asked N which one of these three parts she liked and she gave me a critique. N is so transparent and frank mom" she added. "So if someone offers you advice, you are not offended anymore" I opined. "No, I see the point. People are entitled to their opinions and we cannot and should not attempt to change them. Even when my teachers reprimand, correct or scold me, I don't get offended anymore. I see their point. I extract the lesson and move on"
This tidbit of wisdom didn't dawn upon the fourteen year old backside over night. There were instances when she would come home blowing her nose to a beet red, offended that someone didn't include her in something, someone made condescending remarks about her dress sense or someone else thought she was too shy and introverted for her own good. In the capacity of a mother I used to feel bad for the kid but never really sponsored her pity party. I would casually dismiss it and say "People talk what they want to talk, don't ever place your self worth in someone else's hands"
"Be careful whom you let to access your emotions, specially the negative ones. What irritates you defeats you, what angers you conquers you" This pep talk sometimes used to continue into the wee hours of the fated night of heartbreaks. During the course of these parenting ordeals, I used to learn my own new lessons trying to help her cope with her challenges. Isn't life complicated enough, does it not have enough drama by itself? Why should we sit and produce/direct more complications and drama by giving traction to what others think?
When I saw her handling all the good and not so good of the feedback she was getting with great aplomb, I gave a second thought about the 'narcissism' I see in the current generation. We probably put our self worth vested into someone liking us so much that rejection and criticism pulverizes us to miserable beings and words of encouragement inflates our egos making us think we are the next in line to that Grammy or that Chanel supermodel contract. The more we seek for outside validation to fulfill our emotional needs, the bigger our needs become. "Love yourself" I catch myself telling her. "know yourself" "Ground yourself" "Learn to say no" "Learn to take a no" "Learn to understand your limitation, and learn to accept them"
Paddle your own Canoe. It's only us that are responsible for our well being. We cannot burden another human being, no matter who they are or how close they stand to us in life, to make us feel worthwhile, or loved, or happy!
On that note, I have to add, I learned this a lot later than the first born did. But I am glad there's a road map to the offspring in the mistakes I made, the overlooking I did and the trail and error of the decades I put behind me.
Life, dearies, is a subtle teaching of wisdom posing as everyday mundanes. I hope we had access to blinders that guard us from the unnecessary and beams of spotlights that guide us to the necessary. In the absence of these both, we are responsible for our own blinders and beams. Let's manufacture them and rock on!
Place your happiness no where else, except in your own hands! That sums up my P :)
