Trust.

Sometimes it is hard to have trust. Actually a lot of times. I hear my friends sharing something with me and repeatedly telling me that it is classified information. Okay, why just my friends, I do that too! So my point of ponder today would be 'trust' or 'faith'. As a teenager when I was travelling alone in train, I met a young man who was my fellow passenger. I was leery of talking to him, let alone trusting him with something. He was a plain, normal young guy like me, almost of my age I guess. "Don't trust strangers. Don't eat anything anyone would offer" my mom's words rang in my mind loud and clear and I was looking at this guy like he is a threat to human kind. So, at a major station, where the train halted for quiet sometime, this guy got down and disappeared for sometime. He came back with a bunch of fruits munching on one. I tried to look away. He offered me a fruit. I took it, just to be polite. I didn't eat it.
"Please have the fruit" he urged me. "You look tired and it'll be a bit before we reach our destination" I didn't budge. Didn't think how concerned he was. I was plain rude and kept insisting that I was not hungry. After a while he stopped asking me and just put me on ignore. I probably deserved it:-)
It happens to us all the time. We are way to scared to trust people. We are scared of our trust being deceived or it might be some kind a defect that human beings have acquired in the modern world. Or it is just because words like trust don't make any sense in a endangered world where people look for opportunities to take advantage of others, or it is just because trusting someone at sometime had gotten us bad results.
My MIL, bless her heart, is a very kind woman. So after she retired from her services she wanted to sponsor a needy student. Who does she get to help? A loafer who lied to her about studying in some polytechnic college and kept on his highway robbery time and again asking money for fees and books till she learned one day about the deception. Now she thinks twice before she offers help to anyone.
So somewhere in between being trustful and trustworthy, we all lose the balance. It is a pity that we are advancing so well in many fields and that Apple guy outdoes himself with the IPhone ever other day but we seem to be so primitive in our basic things as trust, love and faith. We are in constant doubt about the people around us, even ourselves and most pitifully about the Almighty. I try to seek answers to these dilemmas in vain!
I'm often tempted to stop my car and give a lift to the guy eagerly looking for one but who knows if he would strangle me for money? The beggar around the corner of the block is probably buying drugs with the spare change he collects form people. The shopkeeper is probably cheating me on the price of the hiked rice - These are a few thoughts that cross my mind when I look around the world.
I once read in a book written by Swamy Vivekananda that we have to be filthy to notice the filth around us. There was an example quoted by him - something to the effect of saying a little kid would not identify a robber even if the thief does the robbery before the kid's eyes since the kid does not have a robber in him. Those words stuck me hard. We look around and form our opinions and look down upon all the bad things that happen around us. It is ironical that filth is everywhere including our own minds and we behave like a bunch of hypocrite bastards.
I do hope though, that Aarti would live in a world where being trustful or trustworthy does not come with a baggage and hope that I would not have to warn her about not trusting her own fellow human beings. I know I am dreaming but a mom can dream. Right??

Ponder

The other day, when Santu and I were watching Kal ho no ho, I'd said that the likes of Jenny mom's character exist only in imaginations of people like Karan Johar. We did'nt break into our usual argument, since what he'd said in response stuck me as 'not arguable' (which makes me realise that we don't argue for the sake of arguments and it is not generation gap that triggers those things - But that is a different blog altogether!)
So steering back, Santu said about Jenny mom's character that we do meet so many such women in real life but they just go unnoticed. "How true" I thought to myself. We do meet many selfless, unconditionally loving, uncelebrated Heroes in our day to day lives and we just do not notice them because their characters are not played by Mrs Big B on the celluloid! They form a part of a less dramatic, real life drama that actually inspires those tear jerkers in fiction. Yeah, sad but true.
So, the idea here is not to be a feminist and focus on women who are heroes. I am sure that there are many men who are too - like Vanraj in HDDCS! But for convenience and also a confusion free (read focused) point of view, I'll focus on women, not necessarily the likes of Jenny who actually forgive their husbands' affairs and raise the off springs of those deceptions like their own flesh and blood, but also on the ladies who are in general pretty selfless and devoted to their spouses and families in an exemplary manner.
I wish I could talk about all the women I know and all the sacrifices they make and examples they set on a day to day basis, going unnoticed and uncelebrated. I wish I could post their pictures and names. I wish I could dedicate a verse or two as a tribute to those Godly attitudes. Oh, I wish!
I wish I could write about them since being like them takes a lot more than what I have.
Here's to all those substitutes of our Heavenly Father (or Mother) who live lives to spread the light of love - Unconditionally!

In Search Of

There are many definitions for life based on the situation and the person defining it. For me, for the moment, it defines itself as a search. And it is something that comes to us as 'just borns'. Look at the baby that barely opens its eyes - It is in search of a breast with closed eyes! Then the toddler that looks for candy kept out of his reach. Then comes search of toys and playmates and laurels and soul mates. Life is a vicious circle of searches, one bigger, one smaller but all of them, equally engrossing. Sometimes it is a search for lost things like love, sometimes it is for people, for money, for peace or even salvation!
At a higher level, the simple search dons the mask of a quest. A shopaholic is in a quest for deals, a saint is in a quest for nirvana and a writer is in a quest for an inspiration!
The search goes on, only to end in disappointments now and success now!
The most pleasurable of searches are definitely the ones that are not done with a motive, with a selfishness or an attempt to attain something!
The biggest of searches is the search to find oneself.
The toughest is the one to find a purpose of one's existence.
The sweetest is the search of simple joys, like the smell of wet earth, or the perfect wildflower in the path you take your evening stroll!

The simplest one and of course the most involving of searches definitely seems to be the search for bright hued ladybugs on the lush green spades of grass! Voila and the search for the perfect image ends there, capturing the half squatted derriere of a two year old, the spikes of green from the just sprung Gladioli add the accent to make a moment a Nikon moment!

తపన

వెన్న తో పెట్టిన విద్యలా
నట్టింటిలో రంగవల్లి లా

అరవిరిసిన మొగ్గలా

సున్నితంగా

సుతారంగా

వీనులవిందుగా

హ్రిదయ అలజడులలో

అమ్మా అనే మధుర సంబోధనలా

భాష తో ఏర్పడ్డ భంధవ్యం

కన్న తల్లి లాలింపు వలె

ఎన్నటికి వీడని నేస్తం వలె

నా అంతరంగాలలో వెలువడే ఆలోచనలను

అక్షర రూపంలో ప్రతిద్వానించి

మాత్రు ప్రేమలో మాధుర్యం లా

తేటగా, లాలి పాటగా

తెలుగు పదజాల మాల

నా అభిప్రాయాల వేదికని

అలంకరించాలనే

తపన!

Guardian.

When thoughts swing
In the cool breeze of love,
When heartbeats sing
The hymn of devotion,
When a idyllic peace
Dawns upon the soul..
I would have had
A tete-a-tete
With my heavenly father -
My reassurance
When I am passing through a hindrance.
My hope
When everything seems bleak
My strength,
When weakness prevails.
One single flash of his image
In the darkness of pain
My world seems bright
And happy again!

Discovery

తేట తెలుగులో తలపులను తెలేపే అవకాసం కల్పించిన బ్లాగర్ కి తెలుపలేనన్ని ధన్యవాదాలు.
ఏమి వ్రాయలేక వెనుదిరిగిపోయే తరుణంలో కొత్తదో మరి పాతదో తెలీదు కాని, ఈ తర్జుమా చేసే సాంకేతిక నైపుణ్యం నన్ను అవ్వక్కు చేసింది. ఒక చిన్న పెట్టె లా కనిపించే ఈ లప్తోప్ లో ప్రపంచఒ అంతా చుట్టముట్టి, అప్పుడే నడక నేర్చుకున్న పసిపాప పదాలు వేసే తప్పటడుగులలా నా అలచోనలు రూపాంతరం చెంది మహారాణి గారి భాషలోనుండి అచ్చ తెలుగులో అచ్చు అయ్యేటప్పుడు , పిచ్చిరాతలు కవితలుగా, అర్ధం లేని పదాలు వ్యాసాలుగా కనిపిన్స్తున్నాయి.
Doing a happy dance here. Long live the technology! Amen :-))

Re-offender!

A lack of blog blamed on a block.

Again!

Welcome...

....Hari Mavayya into my little world of Blogs.

I sometimes wonder what my Great uncle (Everyone, My great uncle Mr. Janakiramayya Mocherla had writted an english dictionary and he is Hari Mavayya's dad!) have said if I'd had an opportunity to share my blog with him!

So here goes an official welcome to my uncle Hari Krishna, the son of a Legend in his own right !

And here is ' Jamican farewell ' by Harry Belafonte ,that my uncle sang for me in one of his many letters a good decade ago.

I hope you feel well soon and we should get to talk sometime :-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uX5mNnJUcRY

Childlike.

Unruly steps

Unclear words

walking the length and breadth of the world around.

Talking their minds off in an attempt to make their point.

Infanthood's drool and rolling around

Try to pincer grasp the many wonders surrounding

A discovery named childhood

In a frenzy to be independent

Stand alone

And think as a little person

Free, full of fizz

And Fun.

Freeze a frame in the frail heartbeats

That keep going strong and long

Drinking the elixir

Of Watching a child

Being one!

Pet Peeves.

Okay Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls - It is cribbing time. Get a soda and get started.

I could possibly get crucified for this, but why do Indians as a culture, Like comparisons? Why can't something be left alone without drawing a comparison with something else? I see that this is more predominant in Indian culture than any other culture, and as an immigrant, I did see quiet a few of them.

Whose kid is taller than every other kid around? Whose hair is longer (or shorter) who is fairer? Oh, who is slimmer? Who is richer? It happens all the time. Which actress is better, which singer sounds the best? ...The list goes on and on.

Sometimes, you are compared to yourself, of course a much younger and vital yourself. I'd seen recently in a gathering a lady comparing an older lady to the older lady herself. Why would anyone compare a 7o yr old to her 50 yr old self? Hello People - there is something called time and it shows ware on everyone and everything around. Why can't "you aged so well" or "you look great in yellow" be an ice breaker instead of "You look so bad now, What happened to your legendary good looks?" One can never understand.

Then come Arguments. Some random topic about politics, entertainment or even religion. The arguments continue sometimes cutting close to getting physical. Nothing comes out of them though, except raised voices and strained vocal cords, ear drums and unfortunately enough - feelings!

Why does someone need to know if they look tired or fat or dull or old? Will it help them from being more tired, fat and dull and old??? Curious minds ponder. Didn't these peoples' moms and dads teach them not to say anything if they do not have something nice to say???? Alas!

Why is everyone that is smarter than you a geek and why is someone that is dumber than you are a loser?

Why is a person with liberal spending habits extravagant and a person counting his pennies a miser and why does someone having fun in life branded as having no grip on their priorities and someone not having that much fun as being devoid of fun?

And then comes judging. Oh, that guy is good! Yea, this one is a confirmed thief. Oh, they are very selfish! Ah...the bad karma of someone suffering. I just fail to get all this.

And the grand finale of my peeves - Why can I not just do away with washing dishes????

And Laundry?

And Ironing?

Okay, I'll stop now!

Attraction

What was I thinking? I don't know. Sometimes I act like a 2 yr old. Last week when I was at the pedicurist (for the second time in 9 years) Aarti had to be dragged along with me for obvious reasons. The pedicurist, Diana from Vietnam, offered to paint Aarti's nails. I would, on a sane day, say no to a 2 yr old's nails, be it toe nails, being painted. On this particular occasion, I had to give in since she needed a bribe for behaving for one hour while I got myself pampered in the whirlpool of warm water massaging my feet. So, guilty but half hearted, I let Aarti choose a color. What does she choose? A bright neon green that would normally be used for labeling garage sale stickers or stick em notes. Luckily, she got diverted by the time it came to painting her nails and I walked out thanking my lucky stars for having missed the thrilling opportunity of seeing my toddler's toe nails painted a gaudy, cheesy neon green.

And look at the strange twist of fate - I get attracted to a pair of the most gaudy Birkenstocks designed by Heidi Klum, yes guys, the same well endowed, mom of 3, Victoria secret model with a kick ass bod! And I realise that Aarti's color choice is after all, a genetic disorder, since the metallic neon green sandals with the heaviest embellishments and the flashiest adornments do no justice to the picture put up for your consideration. The conventional birki style looks like the illegitimate child of Birkenstocks and Joan Rivers Junk jewelry. The hefty straps overwhelm my dainty foot and make it look kind of funny and stuffed. Just this evening I show them off to my friend Sneha and she had this perplexed look on her face. "And you are roaming around in these for the summer?" She asked with an expression way too complex, for I cannot say if it is shock or a mock....at the choice of a thirty something housewife.

Even my young kid bro with and adventurous twist and off beat fashion sense is not seemingly thrilled! "Look at how comfy you are" is the first thing he said upon eyeing those monsters on my feet. "very" I replied with a put on confidence . "Then it's all about how bravely you can carry them off" he added. Now..that is the key. Am I really the two year old that would not care a spit in the toilet about what people would think about her neon green toe nails?? May be not! So off they go to give me the pleasure twice. First the pleasure of buying and next, the pleasure of returning. That's one of the reasons I love the US. The return policy is a boon for fashion blunders like the one I'd just committed.

I'll get the dusty pink flip flop style ones instead. My 'do not notice me' counterparts of Birkenstock sandals. But I am happy about thinking like a 2 year old. Sounds cliched, sounds old - but isn't age just a number???

I still am attracted to shiny, gaudy stuff deep down within and it makes me happy to make a public confession of my sometimes unusual taste. Now tell me, is neon green and metallic blue paired with some serious bling on a toddler carrying mom's feet going to make you go "what a wacky sense of style?"