Kids! The sound of this word made my insides dance, even when I was a kid. Though I wasn't sure of what all I wanted to be when I grew up, I imagined myself to have a truck load of children - like the old woman living in a shoe with a whole cricket team in tow. I did have a doubt though, about the rhyme - as to how an old woman could have such small kids specially in that number ;) as always, that isn't the point. The point is the plural "Kids" sounds oh so blissful and somehow I couldn't wait to have a bunch of them myself. "At least five" I would tell myself - talk about how the whole biochemistry works for boys and girls and how their goals become so gender specific even without anyone prompting them - talk about the nature code, talk about the coding expert - or may be don't talk about Him. It would be a 'beyond the point' situation yet again.
Back on track, my dream of the plural 'Kids' realized in the year 2015 when along came Polly. The second born was the puzzle piece that missed in our jigsaw of perfection and she finally graced the home and heart of this fortunate mother. And sister. And father. There were opinions that clashed with our idea of perfection. Some thought that a a family without a boy is, well, not perfect and we somehow have to keep at it till the said perfection makes a debut into the family tree. But let me not digress too much into our societal ideas of perfection. The last time I checked, there is no other species in the world that would hurriedly look in between the legs of its offspring right upon its first breath, to rejoice or be disappointed based on what they see- there dear people - right there, is another reason for you to be disappointed in humans. (Sigh) By now, I think this digress is a part of my writing protocol - right? Right :) and let us make peace with it!
#1 and #2 couldn't have been any different than they are. While one shadows me everywhere I go, like the little lamb behind Mary, the other is vehemently independent. Even as babies one liked to nuzzle up in the folds of my neck when the other fidgeted till I put her away in her crib. When I venture out by myself, one hangs on to the car window asking me to fill a questionnaire about every minuscule detail of my outing. Questions such as 'where are you going?' 'How long will it take?' "May I please tag along?' 'May I call you if I need something?' ....you get the drift don't you? and fifteen minutes into my planned uninterrupted errand running, my phone rings. 'Mom, did you reach safe?' would be the commencing question of the questionnaire till I hastily cut the call off and put my phone on airplane mode. The other offspring waves at me absentmindedly from the lawn by the drive way, playing with chalk or bubbles and yells 'Have a good time mom!' This child gets the theory of 'Object permanence' to the tee. She is as secure as can be, and won't be bothered by any actions that the grown ups seem to take around her.
Now when it comes to getting things done, one of them is a stubborn mule. "Put your folded laundry away" I would instruct for the fifteenth time since the laundry gets folded and the said child doesn't budge an inch. She has a mind and will of her own and it is near impossible to convince her otherwise, even if the convincing is in her best interest. She has the articulation of a presidential candidate and an arsenal of logic that can put a Harvard law school grad to some threat. Since I am obligated to follow the house rule of no yelling or losing temper at any point, I am under an unspoken contract to pick my battles wisely. Ever so often when I seem to lose my patience, the stubborn mule jumps on the opportunity to deliver my own gyaan to me saying "Mother, anger is a healthy emotion, and we need to process it in a civilized way. However losing temper isn't healthy any which way we look at it and I hope you know the difference!" I smile and let go when I have to but I still have the last laugh saying "sometimes we need to yell, specially when people won't listen or understand when we talk" - It is just a matter of time that this bit of intense wisdom would be delivered back to me and I am kind of okay with it (grin) The other kiddo doesn't like any sort of conflict. She is super sensitive to all my facial expressions. If I am lost in a book and look intense, she comes to me and reminds me to flex my facial muscles "Are you happy mom?" she enquires. "You look sad!"
I look up the book and flash a smile and she trots away satisfied. Nothing is a challenge with her. If I ask her to put the books away, she smiles, skips to the books and piles them up. If I say it's time to go home from the park, She tries for a five minute extension, which she gets more often than not. But after what she seems to count as five minutes she'll volunteer to go home herself " I am done mom, let's go now!" would be the happy beaming response.
They both seem to have a good dose of emotional intelligence and a sense of things and people around them but as a mom and as a person responsible to make them ready for the realities, I often wonder if one's stubbornness and the other's willingness would come and effect them in unsavory ways.
"This one doesn't give in. And I hope she learns when to hold on and when to let go for her own peace of mind. That one easily gives in, I hope she'll not be taken for a joy ride as she grows up!"
That's what runs in the mind of a mother, if you aren't a woman or mom ;) Just so you know :-D And both of them at regular intervals, come to check on their ranking in the NY times bestseller list of Mommy. "Whom do you like more? Me or her?" And I smile. I joke around saying that 'our first love and last love is self love' if it is the teen that asks, and to the toddler I say 'What kind of a question is that? Of course I love you more" She lets out a deep throat sinister chuckle and calls out to her older sister "Hey common here and listen to this" she yells and turns to me and goes "Amma, you got to be loud and clear so she gets it. Now tell me whom do you like the most?"
Her sister and I exchange a knowing smile and tell her "Of course, it is you. who else?"
Then she jumps the sides and goes to her sister "Don't worry" she assures "I'll always love you more than mom" :-D
Nine and a half years of age gap. personalities as varied as night and day, but somehow, the blood connect trumps and they play along forgetting all the ways they are different.
The nature code is amazing I tell you, the code writer even so! Right? How else can it be so flawless, who else can string it together to such perfection? I know all roads lead to my spiritual surrender and in that surrender I dwell reassured, that no matter who they are or what they become, my kids' have the backing of His divine code, protection and timing.
On that note, the dilemma gets solved :)
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