Evasion

She glides around her day like a superwoman, juggling work and home like an ace. She doesn't even realize how much she accomplishes being a multi-tasker, for her focus is never on herself but on the job ahead of her. This morning, she sits in her cubicle a little too long, gazing at the art work her son made for mother's day. Mackerel clouds almost shaped like a fish and a caption amid them reading "I love you to the sky and back" She smiles as she tries to settle the unrest in her heart and spine. Somethings bother her to no end...they get under her skin. She, being the gentle soul, always disregards her discomforts to accommodate others. A blunt pain keeps at her lower spine and she shuts her eyes to ease it, trying to convince herself to ignore the twinge in the vertebrae. "I am absolutely fine" she reassures herself - this phrase comes handy every time she encounters a strain, be it physical or emotional. These words let her spread out her boundaries, rising her threshold for the many afflictions of life - Broken promises, disappointments, insults, deceits, heartbreaks - "I am absolutely fine" is the one magic pill of words that cures all her worldly ailments. She reflects upon the many encroachments on her soul and quickly shuts them off. For nothing qualifies as a hurt if you tell yourself it isn't - fib your way through the hindrances of life with the magical four letters " I am absolutely fine"

Today the talisman isn't working. The caffeine isn't working either. Her pain in the spine resonates with the unaddressed, often ignored pain in the heart. She doesn't give up easily. She tries to deep breath and meditate on the drawing her son made - looking at her insides as scales of unhealed wounds denied with vehemence. But today she decides differently.

"I am not fine" she makes an admission at last. I need a break. She quickly grabs her purse and steps out to finally address those scales long ignored, to nurse that back ache and heart ache. Because she discovers that the worst kind of lies are the lies we tell ourselves.

Picture Courtesy - Chaitanya Kanni