On love of music.

Music had been an integral part of my being. My memories of singing go back to my preschool days. Thought I never knew or have any documented evidence of how well I sang, I for sure know that I was'nt very bad at it.
My breif stint of learning carnatic music started when I was twelve and ended when I was twelve and a half. At the risk of blowing my own trumpet, I should say my teacher was considerably impressed by the way I sing. Inspite of liking music and singing jingles and movie songs seriously ,I never felt drawn towards learning music as an art form.
My music teacher, an old man who walked with a hump, had a full head of white hair that almost resembled that of Pope Benedict paired with a non chalant face. His lessons were precise and professional but he was'nt animated or articulate about what he thought. His compliments were bland though his complaints were straight forward and outright rude. Needless to say this man was an ordeal that I went thru three days of a week. One day, amma probably thought she was forcing me and told me to stop learning if I wished to stop.
The following class, I went to him and told him that I was quitting. He rigorously shook his head and said okay and left without giving me a chance to react. No matter how much I hated sitting thru the class, I was disappointed by the way he walked out, not caring to ask me why I was quitting!!!
I never knew what I quit until after a decade.
The silver jubilee year of my life made me make some decisions to commemmorate it. Some wise and some foolish ones. The foolish decision was that I decided to get my ears double pierced and the wise decision was that I decided to pursue music as an art form.
The teacher I went to was nothing like the teacher I learnt carnatic music. She is an articulate lady who makes animated conversations and made Hindustani music look like a cake walk. She shows her approval with smiles and narrates interesting anecdotes about a particular raga or composition. I have realiesd that music is a natural part of me and I look at it as a form of self expression. I sing while doing laundry, while cooking, while gardening, in the shower and while I am doing daily chores. I listen to music all the time and am doing that even when I am writing this blog. I am convinced that quitting my carnatic class 12 years ago was one of the biggest bloopers of my life. I look back at my life in a "what if" mode.
What if I had continued learning with that old man???
I'd have learnt for 5-6 years of my life, dedicating a major part of it to learn, practise and master the nuances of classical music. I'd have enriched my life, felt the theraputic influences of music on my life, I'd have been a better person, more assured of what I am and what I want, I'd have had the satisfaction of doing someting worthwhile with the most important years of my life and ofcourse I'd have sung like my little sister, sometimes for an audience and sometimes for myself. I'd have also, probably, influenced my peers to experience the magi of music.
It pains my heart to see the five year old student who comes to learn Hindusatani. I am just about two decades late, but I am glad that I did'nt make it any more late than what it was.