This n That (Writing with the kid #2)

Last December, I made a work trip to India. I swapped staying for Christmas with family for a work trip and went all the way to be a part of the workplace I so long to be a part of. The added perks were to fend for myself and myself alone and to live the life of a loner. "But loner sounds so doom and gloom" One might argue. To the closeted introvert, the word is music to the ears. 

So on one such alone trips that was anything but lonely, I met this man from Kashmir. I am a die hard fan of everything Sufi, and to Sufi fans, the name Rumi might be more music to the ears. So when the shopkeeper said "Hello Sister, my name is Rumi" in his sing song voice, I was held captive at the sound of the name. "And may I show you some exclusive pieces all the way from Kashmir?"

I didn't have time. I was just browsing through the isles of a local handicraft hub that is a Mecca of sorts for me - especially during those single work trips I make to my Motherland. And I very well knew how these shopkeepers had a trick or two up their sleeves to convince customers like me to buy things they don't really need with the money they don't really intend to spend. 

I knew it was a slow day. Besides, I was promised the dekko of some intricately hand embroidered shawls. Now shawls and I are an extension of one another. Stoles, scarves, shawls - no matter what I choose to call them, one of those thingies coiled around my neck feels like a mother's hug, and a daughter’s caress. And any self respecting art lover worth his/ her salt would pay some homage to handcrafted goods - won't they? At least  by taking a pause and smelling the proverbial roses on the busy hub-dub of the daily grind.

Rumi pulled a little cabin-bag  to his side and sat down on the cushioned floor of his shack like store structure. He paused, opened the zipper and looked up at me with a smile. "Sister, you are going to catch your breath looking at these pieces. Each one is painstakingly done by old and experienced gentlemen and ladies who are experts at this craft"

I was already transformed into the mountains - Glaciers in the background, grazing the clear teal skyes and birds chirping away while old men with long, cotton like beards and kind, soulful eyes would look down into their emroidery frames, sewing magic with their nimble fingers. 

Rumi kept whipping one out shawl after the other, with reverence, and opening them like he had held the most precious thing known to human race. "Look at this piece" - he unleashed a full size shawl before me, holding on to the edges and gently tossing the delicate garment out - where in beautiful and stunningly arranged colors burst out on fine cashmere in assorted florals and avifauna. And at that very moment, I felt not just the holding of my breath, but a feeling akin to falling in love. My gut felt fluffy like little critters were prancing around inside it and my heart raced like a gazelle. 

"How much is this one?" I asked, like I had found the one and am not interested to look further. At this point Rumi insisted that I went through his whole stash and I did. Only to flip the stack back and look at the one that caught my attention.

What ensued was gasps, horror, insistence of how pretty the artwork is and how not a millionaire I am to fund such purchases. 

Rumi persisted. Or may be the glaciers and the old artisans persisted, or may be the art lover in me persisted. Or it probably was a meant to be moment. 

I came home with the shawl tucked into my tote with utmost reverence. I opened it, clicked pics, flaunted it to close friends and folded it back into a neat rectangle and tucked it into a soft kora garment bag - and I don't recollect carrying any material possession  as carefully as I had carried home the shawl. One day I dream of a great grand kid that would hold an heirloom shawl in his/her hands and wonder whether he/ she should wear it, preserve it, or frame it and hang it on a wall - so it blesses everyone that passes that way with a viewing!

And that perhaps, would be the best thing my money bought so far, unless some other Rumi in some other handicraft hub would indulge the unassuming me into thinking that by buying the work of art, I'd made the universe smile, and an artisan live and let their art go on to posterity  

Cause I had to write..

(..Otherwise my child wouldn't)

Recently I read something. 

Someone asked Stephen King how he writes so much, so fast. 

His response was simple. He said he aims to write six pages a day, done and dusted. So if he was to write a 200/ 300 page novel that would be like finishing a novel in matter of weeks. 

That makes absolute sense. Doesn't it? Except procrastinators like me sit and wile away day after day, week after week, that runs into decades to end. 

So what's it with revamping our procrastination profile? Lately, when I work and see how the world works, I see that it is more common than we think - this habit to procrastinate. Another genius modern thinkers of our time - Robert Greene - opined that we need to have a sense of urgency to tackle life and what we intend to do, because life zooms past before we know and we also never know when we are called back.

As we speak, I sit here with my 9 yr old, trying to make her do what I had been absconding for a while now. "We need to write everyday" I tell her, It is very important to keep our commitments to learning. 

We were supposed to write about making our lives into a movie, with the plot intact, but add characters from fiction to enhance our plots. 

Like I would want Harry (potter) to be my best friend. Well, I wouldn't assume the role of Hermione. Let's leave her alone and not water her down. And may be I'd want Albus Dumbledore to be my mentor. Would it be safe to say that I'd want JK Rowling to write my life plot?

Oh wait - Let's approach Mani Ratnam. And make him sprinkle his leading men (and ladies) around me to enhance my procrastination laden excuse of a life. 

No - I should loiter around Imtiaz's characters. Aditya, Sejal, The Matargasti duo - forgot their names. I remember someone telling me that they would want Murakami to write their life story. Speaking of Haruki, I have to confessions  to make about my 'to read' hall of shame. I commence and re commence to read him and I stop around chapter 3 - like one would let go of the gym and eating healthy resolutions made on Jan 1st right around the time valentine’s day approaches. 

Yeah right. Write!

And read.

Life - is too short, to even be little!

Retrospect

 The other day, I was speaking with one of my friends, someone who's known me long enough to know me well - and told them that if there's a spirit character of mine, it has to be Geet from "Jab we met"

"Are you your favorite then?" the question came before I could blink. 

Except I went speechless. After a long pause came another question.

"Then why do you call her your spirit character?"

I didn't have an answer. I went into a thinking spiral and said "Yeah, I don't know why I identify with her the most of all the characters I watched"

The conversation drifted to other topics, Though My brain didn't. I wasn't sure why I thought Geet and I had the same spirt, albeit with surface differences. I am not as lively as her, and no I don't chat up random strangers and go on a talk marathon - but when I connect with someone, I have the tendencies to be a Geet.

Around 3am our time, the thought of "Why am I like Geet, if I am not like Geet" was on a loop in my nocturnal head. And then something happened.

I pulled up my phone, squinted in the dark. 

"Geet didn't love herself, she wasn't her favorite" I texted to my friend who resides in another time zone.

"Why so?" came the instant response with a surprise emoji in tow. 

And thus, triggered the subtext of what Imtiaz Ali would have meant when he morphed into Geet and made her say what she said. In the context of the dialogue, a morose Aditya is just warming up to the very extroverted  Geet. When she exclaims how she would have fallen for him, had she not been into a committed relationship and adds something in the lines of "Just imagine - me falling for you" Aditya says - "You love yourself don't you? and she responds in her characteristic enthusiasm saying "Main Apni Favorite hoon" - a tagline that probably launched a thousand memes, and that many more oohs and aahs, to a point where it arguably became the one liner that the film got identified with. 

So where did we miss the subtext bus with this line? What do people that love themselves do when they are faced with rejection? Do they become frail shadows of their former selves, forgetting to talk, smile or even think of the family that would coddle and comfort them in times of crisis? Then why did Geet say she is her favorite? Is it just an involuntary confirmation she offered to Aditya without meaning what she said? - quite possible right? 

The Geet that Aditya thought he saw would have done one of the following in the event of being dumped.

* Do a live session of the gaalis then and there, when Anshuman rejects her. 

* Move on, say nothing - just show her disappointment to him and return home by the next quickest transportation available , do a customary little grieving  if that and move on to her next adventure, with or without a guy on her arm. 

'That would not make the plot the plot' - you might argue. What if I said, it wasn't there for the plot but for real, and Geet didn't love herself all along! She was too vested into the world - She was concerned about the long face of a fellow traveller, she was bothered when someone she just met missed the train. She didn't shrug her shoulders and go on with her self love when Aditya didn't seem to be interested in her banter. Geet wore a mask of self love. For real, she had love for everyone and everything except herself. She needed another person to come pull her out of the slump of rejection. Geet didn't love herself. She didn't!

Imtiaz did put a little red herring in there, with that "Main apni favorite hoon" - it is probable that many givers like Geet are led to believe that they are indulging  in themselves when they give love. It is probably how the Geets of the world end up, in a slump when the love they project onto the world doesn't reflect back onto them. It is probably why the likes of me and many more identify with Geet though they don't gaslight themselves into believing that they are their own favorite. 

So what did Geet learn in the end? 

And as her spirit human, I aspire to learn it too!

 

Love is a superpower that saves the world. And when we give it all away and don't save even a little for ourselves, we render ourselves broke. We lose ourselves.

Let's be our favorites - all while saving the lost ones on the brim of giving up, while making sure others don't miss their trains. 

    Let's mean it while we say it!

Reminder

 

I lot of things got on to the back burner lately, and the cocoon that this little soliloquy of a blog is supposed to be, got off the burner all together. So as the sixth day of the ninth month arrives, the little caterpillar does a little wiggle inside - remembering that the metamorphosis is in progress. 

Sandeep Vanga"s Animal - An Afterthought (Spoilers)

A very rare event had occurred last night. I went to watch the first day first show of Animal by Sandeep reddy Vanga. The reasons are very personal. As much as Arjun Reddy got the flack it had got, and I represent the weaker sex that it apparently aimed at demeaning, I have to admit, I sat there on the edge of my seat, sucked into the emotion of the protagonist and his characterization. Before Sandeep's new film released, I did hear him out in his interviews and an admirer of sorts started taking form. 

I have to add here, that Vanga's films are not for the faint hearted, the moral police or the ones that get triggered and offended easily - nothing wrong with these folks, and nothing wrong with Vanga either and I'd spare my personal judgement about the person he is, based on the characters and the voice he applies to them. 

Not until recently did I know he was filming with Ranbir Kapoor this movie named Animal and like it happens with big films, I caught a whiff of the teasers and trailers and soon enough was swooning over the songs that made to youtube - The visual quality of his work had enhanced exponentially and I was excited to go see what he had to offer. 

The review contains Spoilers, please don't read it if you would like to watch the film in your own perspective

The film opens with a sequence of a young boy pining to come home to wish his father. The father in question is the 'richest man in India' and by that virtue is missing in action for the whole day. I was watching with intent to feel what I was longing to feel - the dad son love story. But from the word go, the emotion went on vacation but what followed was some engaging hour and a half.

There's the usual boy, girl, the family - but the boy stops at nothing to safeguard his family. A sequence reminds us of Vanga's former film where the boy drags his sister to her college to face off with students that tease her. 

Then there's the wide pelvic boned leading lady that the macho Alpha male talks out of 'fresh out of the oven' engagement and just like that flies off to a glacier to get hitched. The plane sequence made me feel like I had a video game console in my hand - and so did many sequences that followed. There's some bits and bobs that seared into my brain though - like the fact that all of this larger than life machoness  saved himself for marriage and he explicitly, without any prompting, makes a promise to his woman that 'he would never cheat' 

Disowned by daddy dearest that he is supposed to pine for, he disappears to the US for six years and resurfaces as a new, aged and improved version with two kids and wifey in tow when he learns that there was a murder attempt on his dad. He seamlessly takes over 'Swastik' steels - a straight one mind you - as he drops cues at the symbolism further down and does such law and order defying stuff that's only possible, like I said, with a video game console. Body doubles come in and are eliminated in a literal shower of bullets.  (by literal i don't mean the cali girl literal but the literal literal ) 

By the way, obsession for the father is patchy. It is erratic, it is eccentric and the borderline narcissistic end tête-à-tête   with the dad made me do a face palm - as it felt more like a 'look how much I loved you, though how much you didn't love me' than a 'I do not care what I got, I love you as you are'.  Didn't I tell ya, the emotion went on vacation from the word go. 

There's a revenge plot. One murder that happens in a board room. Massacres after massacres, like I said, akin to holding a video game console. Fictitious mass killing machine that comes with a comic relief in tow - the interval block left me in a trance, where in I wasn't thinking much. But I wasn't bored yet, probably because I was looking for some providence, some redemption, some saving grace in the next two hours to come. 

But none came. Except the breaking of character  - our hyper alpha bad boy, that lectures his cousins about fidelity and remember? - without prompts, promises his wife of the same is seen straying and how! I have to grant it to the director that I was so taken aback by the character twist that it didn't occur to me that this could be a red- herring. This comes post a brush with death (nay, he doesn't make it unscratched from the video game sequence ) and a heart transplant. In the sea of fantasy, Vanga attempted to make the plot life like - and that was ofcourse to render our bad boy deaf and face him off with the dumb antagonist bad boy. There were probably metaphors, or were just forced to give us a few laughs in the gory, bloodbath of the climax - God knows, or Vanga knows. But I'll get to the interesting part related to the infidelity  - the high horsepower, high libido lad didn't do it all for fun - but to save his father and bust the ploy of the dumb (non speaking) antagonist. So he does go and confess to wifey. The exchange might cringe the 'holier than thou' brigade but to me it was a sliver of emotion in a video game. I probably welled up - from the female perspective and the male perspective even but that's me, getting the sub text. I am waiting for the activists to come out of wood work and throw bricks as we speak and I'd be relieved if they didn't.

I walked out the film without focusing on the epilogue. I was told there was some ground breaking done for part 2 but I was told to enjoy video games in moderation, so I might not really need to know what perpetrated when the end credits rolled. 

Ranbir is a good actor. It is common knowledge. So is Vijay Devarakonda. So is Shahid Kapoor. Vanga is a stellar director and the common denominator - so go figure.The sub text is par excellence. The BGM resonated with my heart beats and pulsed across my nerves. I really couldn't focus much on the production values as I was preoccupied looking for something - no I didn't drop my wedding band in the theater and I didn't stray from my seat with a torch. Heck I didn't take a loo break even. But I was tied to the seat. I glanced only a few times at my watch - but I was preoccupied, let me think - Bingo - I was looking for the plot. The love, the revenge, the emotion, the resonance, the endearment I felt for Arjun Reddy I didn't feel for Animal - though they both seem to be obsessed with one kind of love or another. The former was relatable, he existed in a relatable world - the latter though - didn't live in a normal world and he points that out to his lady even  while they fly off to make love in the sky like Alladin and Jasmine. Wait, oops- they didn't make love did they? but these guys made. Anyway, this isn't a fantasy. I really don't know what the genre is but I do know that it held me captive for 24 hours and I sit here typing all this out to figure out how I felt post the Animal bite.

Sandeep reddy Vanga is a rebel child with a crazy vision and loads of intellect but without cause. He'll find his cause soon and I mean it in all earnestness and no, I won't hold it against him that I he didn't make it possible for me to find the connection with Animal though truth be told, I walked out feeling like I wanted to date the Animal - no no, actually upon due diligence , I actually concluded  that I wanted to be the Animal - in parts. Strictly in parts. :)

Titles are overrated

But wait, I barely began

After a long day of doing 

The most insignificantly 

significant things.

Where does a blog entry figure in this grind?

On top of it all, if one can day dream.

Cause getting the slow roasted potatoes 

To the perfect Shade of  red

Rules the roost over this absurd spread.

But while i pound the garlic and dry coconut in the mortar and pestle,

I absentmindedly muse over starting my blog with “But wait…”

Like you are about to leave, or as if you are even here! 

I dream to banter in paragraphs 

That make you gasp for breath 

As if you are experiencing something exhilarating..

Like a rollercoaster ride or a thriller on the edge of the seat!

Then, gentle reminder- there’s no method to this madness.

It ebbs and flows, once obsessing over a title at length 

And at an other time 

Dismissing it as an overhead!

(It could possibly be the time crunch, the body aching to snooze)

But wait…Or maybe don’t!

No wait…

And come back again.

Tomorrow the method might find some meaning.

Estimate

Photo by lil artsy: pexels

How much is too much?

How little is too little?

Is the ocean too much 

And the sardine too little ?

Mountain too much n the mouse too little?

Is the sky too much and the sparrow too little?

What if the love is too much 

And the heart too little?

If the spirit is too much

And the space too little?

Why is finite chased n infinite ignored?

Like wealth is stacked and generosity slashed? 

Is the cosmos too much 

And the cell too little?

The requirement too much 

And the reserve too little?

Like the treasures too much 

And this life too little…

And this verse (literally) too much 

And the sense too little? 

 

Esrev

 Oh yeah, it doesn’t make sense 

That title!

Is there even a word as such?

There isn’t.

But banter I must,

As muses take a weekend break

While I come n go 

Shuttling between intent and inertia.

What’s there to ramble about?

Really much! If i must confess 

Instead of bantering! 

I swear it’s so noisy in there

Upstairs in the grey caves.

Now, when concepts I have to shun

And dwell in silence 

Cause that’s where the witness sees

The one that chatters.

So I spell verse in reverse

And gather my husk

To put it in the green waste! 

And what remains is silence 

That needs this doodles

To be perceived 

Or so I think,

The confused lil thing that I am. 

Verse

I didn’t have to ask

If the sky was blue or blood was red!

But i ask

I don’t get  cues 

That my banter is read…

 i know..

And still i ask

I know Somehow that these texts are awaited

Cherished even?

Like a prophecy is whispered into my ears. 

I didn’t have to ask if roses bloom

Or if rivers flow..

They do, i know! And i ask. 

I didn’t have to wonder if love exists..

I see it n feel it

For me, and flowing from me..

Emerging and expressing itself 

In elaborate words.

Like i need words to show 

What needs to be felt 

Like I need answers to obsolete questions

Yet I ask 

As if I am Asking 

If the Earth is round and the sea is deep! 

Universal truths i discount, just for the heck of it..and question them :) 

When i was born, I know I brought 

A legacy, a destiny..

Of love n joy

Of poems and letters 

Some are willed to you

Some have your name written on them..

I bring them to you and ask

Do you look for them?

Pretending i don’t know!

Or maybe because when you reply and say yes,

There’s a joy that emerges upon seeing you

In your responses:) 

This n That

 I actually blogged yesterday. It was about a film I watched recently - The Banshees of Inisherin. I was deeply moved by what I could read in between this brilliantly stirring plot. And I wanted to share my perspective, my personal take on the abstract plot line and the open ended finishing. Somewhere down the line, I felt like I wasn't really capturing what my real take away was - I was feeling a short of words - very underwhelmed so to speak, like they were stuck in my throat. But I wanted to keep the commitment  to write and I didn't have the time or will to rewrite and so I published the post which didn't cut my approval.

Shortly I realize there was some sort of a glitch in the post and I left it as is, thinking I'd tackle the fixing later. Someone who is a regular here sent me a screenshot of the blog, actually walking me through unpublishing it and making sure it was just a glitch and making sure my account was safe. So the underwhelm I felt as I published it turned into an overwhelm of gratitude for having this friend in my life. We sat through it since noon, trying to copy paste and republish it, until I realized it was acting up and concluded that the universe is giving me cues to get the review out like it is intended to be, and not dish out a watered down version - just to keep the commitment.

Ever since, I tried to rewrite it, only to be greeted with a lot of pauses as I maneuvered  through my daily grind. I thought I'd do my easy peasy lemon squeezy short cut and scan around the house, to find a muse and feign a verse. But then I thought - why not do a this n that post? So here I am into the third paragraph, not really knowing where I am going with this - or that, for that matter!

I had a tough few days, a emotional stir. Dunno where to blame it really, or I probably do know. When I go through these upheavals, like most humans do (unless they are realized and live in the woods, away from human interactions and instigations) I seem to have developed a conscious coping mechanism, thanks the pseudo  gyaan I acquired through reading the many spiritual texts over the past six years. I watch the state of the mind like a third party and go - Ok, Bee is feeling low, so Bee should be prepared to feel high soon and vice versa. The human Mind - I hear, is in a vicious  cycle of being happy and sad, an infinite thought loop- somewhat like a yo yo, up and down. 

It renders a lot of power to know this much and take the energy off of the emotion and vest it into the observation.  But long before this half baked Yogini took form, I derived the same exact wisdom from a lyric by Gulzaar ji, from this film named Dil se.

It says - "Gham Dil ke bas chulbule hai, Paani ke ye bulbuley hai, Bhujte hai bante rehte hai" 

Which means "The sorrows of the heart are just naughty, Water bubbles they are, They form, and they pop"

They say that the lesson appears when the student is ready. And when we keep our eyes open and our hearts receptive, I think we get all the wisdom and support we need right within our reach. It could be an Oscar contending screen play, a glitch that pauses a blog post, a fluctuating emotion or a lyric from a bygone memory in the distant past.

After all - life they say, is too short to be little. And in there - 

How much to learn? 

How much to live? 

How little time???

(Pictured - My favorite yellow roses, living it up on my kitchen island, not caring how long they would last )

ReVerse

 Photo by cottonbro studio: https://www.pexels.com

Sometimes I tell ya

I feel like I am peeling an onion

As I flip past the pages of life.

The flavor cutting through the air

The spicy pungency

Filling my senses

While I wipe my eyes

And shut them wrinkled

As I slice through the layers of lushness.

These bits, later, would add to the flavor of the dish

Elevating it to epic proportions.

But the chore it is, I tell ya

To cut em and cry.

I remember the random suggestions I heard -

Keep them in the fridge, place them in water

You won't tear up!

Somewhat like the advice one gets

Rummaging through life.

Keep em journaled, talk them out

Take em to a walk, toss em in a bin

Now when the verse goes reverse

And the block makes you grin

What would one blog about?

Layers? tears? onions? life?