A-Z April - Day 10 J for Just do it!

Ambience - An unusually cold April evening.
Mood - reflection
Looping - John Legend and Meghan Trainor ( reminding us to love our lives while we are at it)

In the fall of 2018, we were in the middle of a major home improvement project - it was September, my favorite month of my favorite season. The weather outside was just the perfect balance of sunshine and a cool, soothing breeze. It is funny how the texture of the day outside plays a background in how I feel for the day and on that particular night, I remember the balminess of the air outside and the smell of paint inside the house. We were hosting a group of our closest friends on a Thursday evening, an odd day to have a gathering - but we did it. The kitchen wasn't ready but the stove was in place and ready to be used. I cooked up a storm. One of our close friends had a tag along. I'll call him the Angel. So I didn't meet Angel before. When I opened the door for them, we smiled and shook hands as the introductions happened, though for me it didn't feel like I was meeting him for the first time.

As they entered the room, we had masking tape that was to be peeled off the freshly laid wooden flooring. I had a pile of dirty dishes in the brand new farmhouse sink. I didn't have extra hands to clean them before the company arrived. As I set the table for dinner,  I caught Angel spring into action, like he belonged in the house. He swiftly moved across the length and breadth of the house and peeled off the tape while hubby was at it, lending him the helping hand. It was good thus far - and then he barricaded the kitchen sink, with a scrub in his hand, scouring away the dishes that were left there to be cleaned. I caught him in my peripheral vision, let out a shriek and ran to urge him to stop what he was doing. Like I said, I didn't know him before to take the liberty to pull him by his sleeve. Upon persistent insistence, Angel moved away from the kitchen sink, completing most half of the scouring as he resisted budging from there and took over the vacuum cleaner to attack the floors. At this point, hubby and I just took the bull by the horns - or hands in this case. We both held him on each side and dragged him to the table. Angel finally sat to eat.

During our conversation over dinner, I learned that Angel is into animation production. Now the common friend started off on a tangent about this lousy blog and how she thinks I am a "writer"
"Oh wow" Angel exclaimed. "I am looking for a story, do you think you can help me?"
I was beside myself with embarrassment. "Oh no, please don't believe her, I have no blog and I am no writer" I bluffed through my teeth (about my blog I mean ;) that's probably because I am very sure about the latter - of me not being any kind of writer, even a very lousy one. Anyone relate to that? no not to my not being a writer of any kind,( let's be unanimous about it and have no doubt) but to the self doubt we all seem to be face to face with now and again. But what Angel said in response was very sweet and utterly charming.

 "We all have a book inside of us, we all do" He added "And when I see you I see the book more than I see you"

Now, how else can you address such a sweet soul? Other then as Angel? Someone who is so bent upon making the other feel worthy, capable and on a mission? That's exactly how I felt that night - it felt as if the clemency of the  night was gracing its love on me and for once, I believed that I indeed had a book in me, and I also have it in me to give it a word form and let it loose out of the shackles of my heart.

And guess what? The very next morning, I had an epiphany. I saw the book - the log line of the theme, stray details here and there coming to me in the dawn of the day. I couldn't believe that someone said I had a book in me and without further ado, it makes a hazy appearance in my mind's eye. Is this guy a clairvoyant? May be he is!

It's been eighteen months of day and night ever since that vision of a Book came to me. I had personal deadlines that I put for myself that I allowed myself to push and push and push again.  If I had to list of my downfalls (which are way too many to count to begin with) I'd have to begin with my laid back procrastinating habit. If it isn't on a deadline, or a necessity, I would romanticize the plan of doing it so much and never ever get to the execution. I have tell tale signs of this habit all around me, in the form of blank canvasses, unopened paints, unlost pounds, unmade calls, unsaid thank yous  and inside of me - in countless forms that I cannot begin to list, but this book happens to be the most prominent of them.
Once in a while, when I am made to realize what a waste I am, I pull up my socks and make yet another promise to myself and break another promise for myself. I keep brutally cussing my laziness and lack of drive but I fall back into the crab hole of putting it off. I keep reminding myself that I might not get up tomorrow, or if I get up, I could be hit by a bus - I mean, no matter how brutally I remind myself of the limit on my time here on this planet, I just do not seem to get to put that book out of me. How pathetic right??

I am not making any more promises to myself to bring that book out and give it a word form. I might take it to my grave, never unraveled. I just feel amused at how we know it all, and we ignore it all.

I hope someone puts a deadline on it before time puts one :)

But I'll be this total hypocrite and say - Just do it. Write those letters of gratitude, blow those kisses of love, take those bucket list trips, love like you are going to lose them. You are going to lose them. Life is a let go. But don't let the dreams go before you live them.

Geez! The drag that moi is:)

A-Z April - Day 9 - I for Illuminate

I cannot give you anything

Beyond what's inside of you
Life told me.
Stop looking around
Searching for scraps of acceptance and approval,
The more you seek to dispel the darkness
With something outside
The more it deepens.
The more you look to fill the void
With someone else’s help the more it digs itself.
Pick yourself up
Flick the switch of your insides
Love yourself. You are worth it.
You are worth every bit of that illumination
Waiting just for you
To light it up.
Then, spread that love, my love,
Life told me,
I assure you there’s enough to go around
And the more you spread it
The more it grows.

A-Z April - Day 8 - H For Halcyon

This is an overdue post that needs a revisit as I am not prepared to attempt the prompt that was given to me. This is something I do not want to wrap up in haste, so here's (Hoping) the only backlog of this challenge, which, I promise myself to complete asap.

A Z April - Day 7 - G for Gaiety

    If Gaiety had a gait

She might float around in free form

Sending ripples of her lace like limbs

Curled like ribbons

In the sea of joy!

If Gaiety had a shape

She might be like a jellyfish

Lit from within with a translucent aura

Existing, transmitting visuals of awe

In the beholder's heart.

I look hither and thither to spot her, and morph her into several beings

I then peek within, and spot her in the being!


Pictured - Miss Gaiety the jelly fish form Montery Bay aquarium, shot with my smart phone. 

A-Z April - Day 6 - F for Frolic

I got to see a Shrink I think

Words wearing human costumes around here?

Is it a new ailment? Or just a supernatural faculty!

I didn’t want conjectures, I prefer confirmations.

Do you sometimes see words like I do?

All because I see, frolic trotting around

Dressed in a floral frock!

Little  red sandals, casing her tender feet

While they jump up in the air, tossing a head of silky hair!

I see Frolic smiling at me, gracing my driveway! swear I am not under influence. 

A-Z April - Day 5 - E for Eternal

The crash course

The decode

The road map

To the treasure chest

Who doesn’t crave 

The yearning to be craved!

To be loved, comforted

Understood.

But heaps of rubble

Of broken hearts, shattered hopes

Streams of tears, reams of resentment.

How hopelessly we conjure up

Stuff, polish it, project it

As love!

How naively we glorify expectations

Wants, desires.

 Loving is a Russian roulette 

That we play  

Point blank, to the heart!

We never know, when a parent disses a child

A child fails a parent

A lover walks away

A potential partner proposes marriage on first date

We never know when they sit by our sick beds

Or be oblivious to our pains.

The only way dearie

To this treasure called love

As regressive, as sabotaged as it sounds

Is to give.

And forget to get.

To be love

And not make it a barter

Of anything.

Expectation makes a commerce out of this elixir

So give, for the sake of giving

Love, for the sake of loving.

Pull the trigger, not caring if you are spared, or slayed!

Love

Then there’s no pain. Only pure Gain.

A-Z April - Day 4 - D for Dance

As a child, I felt like doing a lot of things. I wanted to do math like my whiz big sister. I wanted to swim like a fish and gazed at my friend's humble aquarium for hours. I wanted to roll chapatis like a friend's mom and sing like Kavitha krishnamurthy - I also, always wanted to write like J K Rowling, I or like Amitav Ghosh, I wanted to paint like Thomas Kinkade,  but I never wanted to dance. I remember my friend B dancing exactly like Prabhu Deva when Muqabla  was a big rage. I was the first bencher watching him at a close distance, and his moving to the rhythm made me foot tap and freeze in awe - but never once, did I wanted to dance. No one and nothing inspired that thought in me.

The only time I danced, was for a Garba number in my 12th grade. It was before an audience, in a huge huge outdoor auditorium. We had elaborate banjara skirts and colorful sticks in our hands, and I was quiet literally forced to partake in that piece by our Accountancy teacher Ms.S. Out of my inability to say 'no' in general and a 'no' to her in particular, I twisted my two right legs and called it a day. Thank God there weren't any phone cameras back in the day, or my performance would have been something like a viral 'dancing hall of shame' video.

The next time I remember dancing was in my school gathering couple of years ago. I was whisked away to a inconspicuous place and made to swing my backside for a few steps by a group of my childhood friends, who insisted that everyone on the floor had to dance that night. I complied. And I hope it isn't pictorially evident anywhere :)

So these are the 'performances' I did. But if you ask my buddy S, She'll laugh and tell you that my moves are very rhythmic and graceful, and no one can dance better than me to the "Chor Bazari" Number form Love aaj kal. Please don't pay heed to her, as love they say, is blind ;)

The other day, I was in a Christmas party at a couple's place - the couple, who are among the most dapper ones of our friends, Had a 120 inch television in their living room. I settled before the screen as tidbits of the resolution and the set up of the system were being discussed in my ear shot. Now I am deaf to technology talk, but the sass in me did a peekaboo and I caught myself saying "But what's the use of all that technology if you folks are stuck watching a Telugu movie on such a screen?"

The next thing I notice was dozens of pairs of eyes stuck on me, in poker faced expressions. One of the guys looked at me and said - "So you look down upon my favorite hero's film?" and I said "Yes I do" to which everybody laughed. I was relieved that I wasn't going to be beaten to pulp afterall. While the movie was paused and the remote was being frantically punched by the host, I had an expectation of seeing something like the National Geographic channel on the big screen. And then, I froze again, when the lady of the house, who is girly, barbie doll, and Bollywood enthusiast all rolled into one played a movie called "War" and plonked in the couch.

I gave an eye roll and said she's got to be kidding me and suddenly she fast forwarded to a song and said "If this isn't going to please you, you have to reconsider your entertainment choices"
"I'll consider reconsidering, I offered, but please don't play a Victoria's secret fashion show after this"

On the larger than life screen, this man that needs no introduction was dancing away. When Hrithik made his debut, whole of India was swooning over his dancing prowess. But as always, I was blind to it but something on that particular day caught my eye like never before. I don't know if I had to blame the rub on effect of everyone getting hysterical about his dance movies, or the gin cocktail that was acting on my system, or just my willingness to reconsider my choices in entertainment - I felt this inspiration hit me. The inspiration of wanting to dance like Hrithik.

When I came home, I started playing the number that inspired me on my Echo show and attempted to do the moon walk like he did. Thankfully, I didn't slip. The first born looked at me with frozen daze and asked "Mother, are you ok?"

"I want to dance like Hrithik" I said to which she quiet literally fell off the chair laughing. I stopped, paused the song and asked her sporting my best possible 'this is not funny' look-  "What' wrong with that idea?"
The sassy teen responded "Duh, pretty much everything" and went back to rolling on the floor in a sinister laugh.

And then I did it only when I was in my alone time and didn't have a condescending audience that pulled my enthusiasm down. May be the universe plotted to make me stop that attempt and here we are sheltering in place, and there's no hope of dancing like no one is watching anytime soon.

But guess what? The inspiration had hit. That's all that's needed.

And I promise, I won't make the non existent blog readership watch it. I promise, and I never promise :) So the half a dozen of you that come here once in a while, you folks know who you are, please don't abandon me.

Signing off, with an after thought. Never say never! And I am only referencing the 'I never got inspired to dance" statement and not my promise (Grin)


Featured -  A video of the Indian cinema's Greek God dancing to that number - in all his casual glory!

A-Z April - Day 3 - C for Comfort

Day 3 rolls in - and I was kind of bent upon making this a spiritual theme. But there was this ponder that was making its rounds in the thought corridor as we stay at home, sheltering in place and I seemed to have realized how much of an integral part 'grocery shopping' was in my life.

I'd always taken great pleasure in browsing the isles of the grocery store or the farmers market, more than I had in any other kind of shopping. The act of stocking my pantry, labeling my jars and filling the crisper of my fridge with fresh greens and lush veggies was always a very gratifying thing to do. All this of course is because of the love Moi feels for cooking. Lately, as all the outings are restricted, I realized how much I miss my grocery store, In fact I miss it more than I miss seeing people outside, more than I miss taking a stroll in nature or more than I miss the introverted ' alone time' I have when the spouse and kids leave for their routines. It gave me a wonderful opportunity to trace this 'missing grocery shopping' to the root of it all which my love for  cooking, that has become hands down, my favorite hobby of all.

I wasn't an early bloomer in this department. My first tryst with learning how to cook commenced in my late teens, when my lil brother's friend's mom kind of intrigued me with her home making and culinary skills. This aunt in question was this conventional home maker, that had a model of a kitchen and spent copious amounts of time planning her shopping and cooking routine like a pro project manager. Her everyday was an adventure in thinking up special meals for her husband and three sons. It helped that this aunt had a special love for me, owing to the fact that she probably always wanted a daughter and I probably filled that void in her life in some way.

Every evening after I was done with my routine, I would walk to her place that was in the neighborhood. She used to wait for me in her balcony and flash a welcoming smile once she spotted me. "You need to learn to cook well. Young ladies these days are so full of degrees and career that they miss the life skill" She used to dispense her wisdom as she'd instruct me how to shell green peas and grill perfect pav buns on the stove top. It greatly helped that this aunt was from
west India and cooked a cuisine entirely different than the one I was used to eating at home. Thus, my first foray into the wonderful world of gastronomics had commenced and there was no looking back. And I do have Auntie Mrs. Bherulal to thank profusely for the foundation.

My mom, being a great cook and host herself, always forbade us from entering the kitchen and helping her. "You have a life ahead of you to toil in the kitchen" She'd say "Enjoy your mom's food for now".  So I didn't do much learning beyond what I did in the aunt's house I mentioned before. It was in my  infant years of the second decade that I found myself in the Land of the free and the brave, managing my own household, playing the homemaker I'd always pretend played as a child. High speed internet and search engines were already a thing in the US and they supplied the second tier of lessons to the quickly evolving young chef. It took me very little time to realize that cooking was something I found great joy in doing. "It is such a nurturing hobby" I used to think to myself as I wasted no opportunity to have friends over to play guinea pigs to my new recipes and experiments. I initially had a recipe box, index cards, clippings form better homes and gardens and the whole shebang to support my hobby. As time passed and as I gained confidence and approvals of my supporting friend gang that were willing accomplices to polishing the food I created, the intuitive part of me kicked in and my hobby became a full blown obsession.

Now, when cooking is your hobby, but of course the detail loving side of you emerges and evolves as well. And in no time, I had gathered enough interest and inventory in fine china, cutlery, cooking utensils, kitchen gadgets and serve ware. My hobby branched into all directions as all these nuances of it enhanced my love for cooking as I aged and time passed. Slowly and steadily, cooking became an expression of sorts. It is almost as cathartic as writing or reading was before I discovered cooking. No matter the time, mood or the theme of the day, give me a well stocked kitchen and I can cook away till someone intervenes and stops me. I also realized that I particularly cook when I feel sad or low. It magically takes my mind away from a loop of negativity and as I create the edible works of art (I'll call them so myself, cause I have a very moderate , 'I'll eat to exist' kind of spouse - LOL and I am not used to him telling me what works of art my culinary creations are) I feel an immense sense of accomplishment and relief and my day transforms to the better.

No matter where I am or whom I am visiting, I invariably find myself in their kitchen, almost urging them to let me take over if they do not do it by themselves (Though I should admit, I more often than not have  happily consenting friends and family when I offer to cook) and escape into my wonderful world of cooking and feeding. My spiritual master Sadhguru Shirdi Sai said that food is the other form of God as it is life giving and sustaining and the act of sharing food is the act of sharing life. I think somewhere deep down, this tidbit of wisdom made a deep impact on me, and it is His grace that the way and the want to cook had emerged in my humble life and have become an integral part of who I am.  I don't like parties but I love hosting crowds of close friends in at my place. When I invest all that time thought and effort into making a special, elaborate spread, I feel and radiate love and life and revel in the smiles and satisfaction of my guests. 'No one leaves my home hungry' is my motto of life. Cooking and feeding gives a very literal dimension to the very abstract emotion love and I feel blessed that I love to cook.

Once the sheltering in place is lifted, I promise myself that I'd cook more and spread the love beyond my kitchen and my little group of friends and family. I'll enjoy and be more present in my grocery shopping trips and I'll live more, love more and create a storm of comfort, care and connect with my yearning to cook. If you are in this part of the world, Please stop by and knock on my door. I'll be more than happy to make a meal for you :)

Pictured - a spread I cooked for my dearest friend and her people.

A-Z April - Day 2 - B for Bliss

I'll stick to my spiritual theme today and blog about the used, abused, overused word that the world is in pursuit of - Bliss!
Bliss might mean a lot of things to lot of people. What it we are to close our eyes and think of just one most Blissful moment of our lives? I can recollect mine right now and my insides do an endorphin release and I feel a simulation of the "High" that moment made me feel, like it is happening right now. What if the actual "Bliss" in a spiritual context is a Trillion times more than the most blissful moment we'd experienced yet? If the ones that are self realized are to be trusted, it is indeed nothing like anything we can feel with our sensory perceptions - it is a constant state of absolute, unadulterated joy that would define the physical cycle of the high the low and the intermediate. It is, ironically, a state that is within us, a state that is clouded and blurred by the identification and the side effects we experience with the attachment to this impermanent form.

This Bliss, as I understand is a beautiful plot with savage plot holes. There are so many decoys we are presented with in an attempt to make us believe that there are more pleasurable and lasting things than this aforesaid Bliss. Some call them Maya - or the illusions that web the reality. Some Mystics say that Humans that house the soul, the source of bliss, are like Princes' that behave like Paupers - looking for scraps and watered down versions of this Bliss and spend life times pursuing them in materials, Intoxication, pleasures of the flesh and substances.

There's a gateway to this magic called Bliss - and it opens inward into our being. There's no use looking for it without, for within us is this fountain of eternal joy. That's what those saints and Philosophers try to attain in those Ocher garbs and worldly renunciations. But the good news, I hear, is that all the props are optional. The moment we come into awareness and realize the transience of this body, we have planted a seed that wouldn't perish and eventually lead us to this ultimate path.

May be we can all start by sitting straight and closing our eyes, and trying to catch the next thought that sprouts in our grey matter. It is hard, but nothing that is worthwhile comes without effort and even effortlessness, they say, has to only sprout out of intense effort. And, how hard can it get to sit still, close our eyes and draw our attention to the vacuum inside of us? Yes, The vacuum, and it isn't as hollow as it sounds. It is in that vacuum they say, that the cosmic energy gathers and makes us run on autopilot.

So, for Bliss, the recipe is very simple. Sit straight, close your eyes, cease to think, or think but be aware of thinking. Don't do a unconscious infinite loop. That's it! That's really it!

I have to admit, that my quest for Bliss is still in wobbly baby steps, but this simple exercise that I do puts such a wonderful, positive twist to my everyday, to a point where I am addicted to my meditation routine like one would be to Nicotine.

Don't take my word for it. It's right there, inside, and it's quiet simple. And there's no curl ups and sit ups to do, no gym memberships, or wrecking your nerves with toxic quick fixes.

It's Really that simple.

A-Z April - Day 1 - A for Ascension

Yet again, I ascend the bandwagon - Thanks to my friend, philosopher, guide and soul sibling that reminded me of the challenge in the first place. I was suggested to keep it light and bright and happy and grateful for the theme. So Yes Sire - Your wish is my command and it's going to be an out and out positive month of blogging with no particular theme in place, except the vibe of Joy.
So off we go on A for Ascension.

So, Here's what I am going to harp about in my Day 1 of the A-Z challenge. It's a micro harping about my newfound spiritual side. Now, Spirituality for one thing, is a vast, wide and varied subject and that offers such a pasture for me to graze on as I muse on this topic. But on this day, I'd like to put the spotlight on the "Ascension" in a spiritual context, with special reference to the road map of our biggest instrument, the human body. The image above provides such a clear representation of the chakras of our bodies and we'll see where ascension fits in the big picture.

So the seven chakras in our bodies are strategically located from the base up co-existing with physical glands in the said real estate of the body. Such a divine design no? The first two chakras are located on the lower end - representing the lower vibrations of consumption, secretion and sexual energies. These chakras also, incidentally, represent the lower vibrations in the spectrum which associate themselves with physical gratification.

Once we reach the solar plexus, around the navel, we are on the ascension path. The upper chakras are to represent the higher vibrations of the cosmos such as creativity, love, joy, peace and bliss. As a spiritual enthusiast we are to rise our vibrations from the self gratification to the upper decks where in we realize the enormity and the Godliness of our beings. So as a aspirant of love, joy and peace, we cultivate, with much effort the ability to unearth our true selves - the divinity that resides in every living being,  the wealth we have inside of us, the same miraculous code that runs the universe, runs for us as well - but like amnesiacs, we forget it and dwell in the drama of the physical world.

The word Ascension has such an energy around it - so uplifting, rising and progressive - quite literally. Whether the spiritual road map makes sense or not - we all can aspire to rise the collective vibration of the planet by cultivating the positive, loving and giving vibrations of love peace and joy. As 'rocket science' like as this sounds, it is very very simple and implementable.
The next time we are tempted to snap and vent out, let us take a moment to reflect on that emotion and let it go and be replaced with an ascended vibe.

It's all as simple as it gets. Just be aware. Ascend, aspire!!

God speed!

Pic credit - Arhantyoga.org

Verse

By the window she stands
Head tossed up
Looking into the vacuum
Of the infinite nothingness.
She intends to freeze that mind
Catching those rodents of thoughts 
That persist
In the mousetrap of presence.
The internal waves settle
The ocean stands still
Like a sheet of glass
Catching the reflection of what is
When what was or will be
Wait on the other side of the railing
For an opportune strike.
Bathing in the light, she stands
Breathing in the being,
Oblivious to the world beyond 
That is perhaps in a frenzy
Of critters ransacking 
Through the peace of now
She cares less,
Standing with her feet criss cross-
Like a guard 
Before her treasure of serenity.
By the window she leans
Lending support from her inner being.
With A smile playing peekaboo
On the lips of that zen!

Photo - Gabrielle Coco Chanel, copyrights- Getty images 1951