Day 24 - X for eXhaustion....

(....And Xyst)

To the many fluctuations

Of the spirit

From wanting to run, write cook sketch 

And what have you

In an infinite loop

To curling up in bed refusing to budge

Yearning to merge in the myriad

Escaping the confines of this hamster wheel.

Why falter at the end of the xyst?

Play hard and push the limit

We are almost there at the finish line!

The only failure 

They say - is giving up!

So rise.

Be the flour if not the Sun

Be the bread if not the life!

Day 23 - W for What you are seeking .......

Many things in the world are ironical...and the irony sometimes doesn't elude even the Nirvana attained. Incidentally, Buddha's statues are the most sold idols in the planet..so much of irony for someone who was against idol worship. And I for once am not complaining though Idol worship isn't something I advocate or practice.

I always had an affinity to the Buddha - probably because I recollect my history lessons to great detail. I remember being shaken by the story of Asoka the great and how he embraced Buddhism upon witnessing the gore post Kalinga war. When I read about Siddartha the Gautama's own story I was even intrigued. A prince that had it all going for him, and one random incident he witnesses brings him instantly back to the source, when he realizes that everything we desire, own, accumulate and take pride in having is all but a cosmic illusion as the body drops dead one day, and all these things dissolve into nothing. Nirvana didn't come easy to the prince. He renounced the last of his comforts as a royal, including his wife and son, and walked bare feet, doing intense penance to attain the ultimate us believers believe in - Salvation!

No wonder the Buddha became my hero - My brand ambassador for peace and bliss, my icon for this spiritual journey I embarked upon lately and against my own strong resistance to buying images of Gods and Goddesses that practicing Hindus oh so readily warm up to, I had this urge to sit Him as my companion on this desk where I ponder and sketch and paint. From a long time, I had a unexplainable attraction towards succulents, perhaps another one of those biology lessons did the trick, where in I read about the self sufficiency and hardiness of this plant group. So I created this miniature succulent garden on my writing desk and thought to myself - "All I need is a desktop fountain and a form of the Buddha amid this yearning to bring a fleck of nature to my surface and I have created my perfection" and my quest to spot the perfect Buddha statue commenced.

After the significant other and the rugrats left to pursue their life paths, I pursued mine, albeit on a seemingly silly quest to find the Man of my dreams, sitting still in meditation, offering a blessing with his open palm while doing what he is good at doing. I went to every possible store that could carry a Buddha statue and I wasn't pleased with any of the choices. It was in a way like looking for the perfect man to start a life with ;) And perfection, I realized so long back, is an illusion. Notwithstanding the realization, the hard to please component in my system didn't compromise.

 "His head looks disproportional" I thought looking at one statue.

 "His smile isn't carved like it is supposed to be. His smile should indicate bliss. This doesn't" 

"This one looks off somewhere, he looks tired, and this weighs a ton too" 

The dismissals were brutal and constant but I told to myself that I'll get him on my terms or I won't get him at all. After that affirmation occurred to me, the pursuit kind of skipped my short attention span and I went around doing other things and stopped looking. Until He came seeking me in the most unusual of places, in a form that couldn't have been more perfect.

When I sat myself comfortable on the floors of Barnes and Noble booksellers, reading away like the world ceased to exist, I had a sudden though to walk around to the back of the store, that I usually don't venture into. When I followed the thought and went to the back, I spotted a clearance bin with bunny toys and such - the remnants from the Easter merchandise marked down to make way for some newness. 
The pastel stuff toys looked at me alluringly and I walked closer - inside that rubble, was a spikey little crown peeking out. I thought it could be a garden gnome and pulled it up. Lo and behold, It was the statue of the Buddha, looking every bit in bliss like He is supposed to look, sporting that enigmatic smile, delicately closed eyes, and what looked like a sash of succulents wrapping from his right shoulder, cascading onto his chest. I had seen the Buddha in a variety of interpretations, but never in the world did I see a Buddha sporting succulents on his chest and shoulders. And he was marked down to a song, waiting there for me to come and discover him and take him home. 

As mushy, sentimental and overtly syrupy this sounds, what are the chances of a coincidence that one spots a Buddha with succulent accents for one's table top succulent garden in a book store of all places and in a Easter clearance bin? Zilch I would guess - unless I take it to the next tier of my signature gooey and emotional - I do not believe in coincidences and I cannot be grateful enough for the whole universe that conspired to get the perfect realized Buddha to my humble company.

Here's a toast to the cosmic puzzle, that drops in the perfect fits to every sincere wish you release into the ether.

"what you are seeking is seeking you" Have no doubts.

Long live faith, belief and ethos of the Spiritual seekers. 

And by the way, Perfection isn't an illusion.

Day 21 - U for Unconditional

He shrinks himself

To seep through the slimmest of outlets

Flooding a whole system 

Of heavenly orbs.

I wonder how He does it!

Unconditional - not for once checking

If He is showering his grace

On his lovers that bask in his warmth

Or the grass by the untaken trail

in the deep wilderness

That seems oblivious to his presence.

He maneuvers through the tightest of cracks

Not for once with an expectation

To be let in with open arms.

Not once sulking if He is being unwelcome.

He knows no bounds, conditions, agendas

Just giving, no counting! Such lofty objective of existence

I wonder how He carries it

Without looking at it as a commerce

Ever pausing to question

"What I get for dissipating your darkness?"

May be He demonstrates love in divine symbolism

By leading us into radiance

Banishing the sombre night

With his encompassing light!

pictured - Sunrise over Tomales trail, Ca

Day 20 - T for Tailed and tagged balderdash

Bella Petite

The book mark with a trait

Has a non wagg-able tail

And a non tear-able tag.

Her dogeared ears,

Stand checkered and proud

She is an anti dogear vaccine

To her best buddy, the book.

The other buddy Bee

That's the buddy of the book

Befriends Bella Petite

In a 'friend's friend is a friend' outlook.

Bee and Bella explore the book

Hanging together in a playdate

Sipping mint tea, sprinkling smiles

By Bee's writing nook.

What camaraderie they share

Bella Bee and Book

A trio like the three musketeers

United to prepare,

For life twists and turns

Rewards the mind that learns.

Bella Bee and the book

Live happily ever after

Cuddling by the reading light

Reading into the next chapter.

Day 19 - S for Smarts is seldom comprehensible.

Be smart anyway ;)

Day 18 - R for Rolypoly's correspondence

(addressed to yours truly)


Dear one,

I hope this finds you in good cheer and pink health. I am not really concerned about your health much, except for the fact that your unladylike sneezes in the spring weather, especially when you loom over me, so close to comfort, amplify in my eardrums and cause much agony.(Now, You might not see my ears in and please don't look for them next time you encounter me) It is getting warm out there, and I hope to see more of you, or may be I don't. I am undecided. It is endearing and annoying at the same time that you don't seem to get over my speck of an existence when there are probably bigger and better things human species pursue with their time and energies. I am sorry if it so implied to you that you should find better things to do with you time than to carefully examine me every time you find a free moment and me on the side walk, coexisting, while you do your so called brisk walk! Oops again - I mean, how am I qualified to talk about brisk walk? while all I seem to do is amble around, aimless and lacking momentum. Now I am no steed like you probably know. But once I roll into that little pebble like form and you gently tick me back and forth, I probably move like a steed alright. Reckon? Or it is a far fetched misconception?

It gets funny when you try to focus on me, looking through the lens of your smart phone. You folks parade around with it like it is riveted to your hands - no judgement here - but I find it ever so slightly ego inflating when I see the intelligence that is built into me that doesn't run on an iOS or needs any downloading of apps or connections to the internet. I appreciate your looking intently at the walk way to dodge my brethren sharing the path and the lovely weather with you though, as we don't have a shield against being crushed. I know you are enamored by me and I have to confess that I feel a slight brush of jealousy when you look away when that more radiant ladybug lumbers by. She is pretty alright - shocking red, polka dots and all but I dare her to curl into a ball when disaster strikes. Geez - I address a human and I somehow start emoting like one. Pray when did feelings like jealousy creep into me? Let's stay clear of those useless shenanigans. They don't serve me much - all I need is the cue to self defense and voila, I am a complex intelligence manifesting into a beady little thing that amuses the likes of you to no end. Isn't that a worthwhile, accomplished existence? I know you'd whole heartedly agree. And do you notice? Once you leave me alone, I spread right back into action and go my way, without calling foul and trying to play out a doom and gloom sob story out of how you make my defense mechanism into a pastime. I feel this whole narrative we weave into everything that happens to us is the biggest disservice by us, onto ourselves. May be I conveyed it to you already without getting so elaborate, standing on my soapbox. So, gather what you may out of your endless fascination for me. I know you are the one that needs to write me some fan mail - but guess what? I am in a mood to give today. In a mood to please. I know you like letters and you like me. So what can be more pleasing to you than a letter from me? May be a letter from me with some sprinkles of wisdom and a lesson or two in living life? 
That, your species is in dire need of my dearie. Let them know as my message. I might be a meager critter, but when we are open to learning, we probably open portals into the most unlikely of sources. We coexist after all - and thank you for the attentive audience to my discourse. Tomorrow when you walk by, please tuck away that smart phone in your pocket and snort some nasal spray. You'll be more present and perhaps, you can pick a cue or two to live that life of yours better.

Much love dearie and see you soon.

Your partner on this path,
Mr.Rolypoly

Day 17 - Q for Quest

             

That sweet thing

He becomes the dance

To her rhythm.

The lyrics to her tunes.

She Measures her moves, cautious and careful

He sprinkles them in the air

Like confetti,

Spirited and care free.

His raw edges rub on to her polished surface

Shooting sparks like fireworks.

Poise personified,

Her grace is the stuff of story books

His ruggedness, like an art in mixed media

Dabbles on her restraint,

Bewitches her senses

Pulls her into his heart

Like the yang to the yin.

Them, probably poster children

For meant to be destiny!

So unlike but so aligned.

This cannot be an earthly transpiring

These souls blending in 

Like Sugar and spice, cheese and wine!

Sweetening, intoxicating

Fusing together

Merging into oneness

Seeking completion and finding it

In the pure embrace

Defining partnership

And inspiring tales

Narrated to warm hearts

And bloom smiles.

Day 16 - P for Poetic Injustice

Precious little petals of light

Luminous like Rudolph's nose

Swaying by my window sill

Staying company while I chill.

 They sparkle up my solitude

While at my desk I elude

The many mazes of this life,

Blooming joy and shooing strife.

Like the light at the end of the tunnel

Like the bliss of after life

They remind me this impermanence

As they bask by my wooden fence.

Shooting up for a little while

Parading their pretty smile

Now here, now gone

Mistresses of spring shining upon

This piddling life and middling lines.

As I applaud their perfect grace

As I string phrases in their praise
As I swoon and gasp, their beauty I grasp
Feeling clutched in their radiant clasp.

Pictured - The calla lillies that put up a show by my writing desk, playing my companions in my musings.

Day 15 - O for Only that!

She toils all day

Tending to a toddler -

The mom that she is, 

She has to rise to the occasion

And enable her children,

By proving her devotion

To the kids of her kids.

How does it matter if her old bones ache

Or her limbs scream for rest?

Other than that, 

It's all fine!

The perfect pair

The perfect house, perfect values

Hospitality

An urge to serve, to please, to nurture!

They sprinkle their love

To all and sundry!

The pitter-patter of little feet

Is all they miss.

Other than that,

It's just fine.

She wakes up like a soldier

Heading to a battle field.

Chemo sessions, radiation therapies

Care givers haggling over kitchen politics

Some see her for who she is

Some for what they'd miss when she is gone!
She smiles and endures the inevitable,

Facing her own mortality.

Other than that, 

It's totally fine.

He wears many hats

Son, friend, support

His parents' every mood swing

Is targeted toward him

Probably because there isn't anyone else

To tolerate them

Or because he is a soft spot that takes it lying down

To martyr himself in the name of love.

Other than that,

It's certainly fine.

He gets crushed, squeezed, smothered

Balancing the act.

A mom cannot be sidelined 

Nor can a spouse be undermined!

The women in his life fight over him

Or over their own yearning to win?

Masquerading in a smile

He lets them own, he lets them win

Slowly killing bit by bit

Of what is him.

Other than that, 

It's obviously fine.

Aren't pretty, delightful kids

The hallmark of a happy marriage?

Of course they are, 

The fruition of two souls merging

On a bodily level.

She gets up, dresses up, shows up 

He is blissfully absent

Physically, emotionally, spiritually!

But isn't enough enough?

A roof on the head, grub in the tummy

And don't forget the pretty delightful kids.

She cries herself to bed

Feeling lonely. Left out. Orphaned

As apathy vanquishes hate a million fold.

Other than that,

It's actually fine!

The kid has a convulsive fit

Induced by high fever.

Single mom, rushes to the ER

Comes home fazed! Unsure, shaken.

The kid sedate on medication

Drifts into sleep

As she knocks the neighbor's door

For support!

"May I ask you a favor?

I am scared and alone.

Would you mind staying with us tonight?"
The courteous, kindhearted neighbor agrees.

She lets a man into the house

A man that isn't hers!

Tomorrow he's gone, and she's alone with her fears.

Other than that

It's pretty fine!

Social butterfly. Hundreds of online friends

Ubiquitous on every hang out.

Opinionated, passionate, under control.

She makes a virtual world her reality

While swallowing happy pills.

Old, worn out, alone

In an empty nest!

The facetimes punctuate the voids

The love emojis mask the wounds.

Other than that

It's really fine!

Looking through the window,

Filtering her fears and longings

She keeps pacing the corridors

Italian marbled, carefully decorated corridors.

He might show up tonight

May be tomorrow 

Spent, wasted, perhaps lost

He seeks it outside the threshold

She lets him. The devout yin to the yang!
For loving too much is a thing

As is taking for granted!

Other than that

It's absolutely fine!

A little bit of this, 

A wee bit of that

A pain here, a betrayal there

A tear here a fear there

A deception here, a vacuum there

A loss here, a turmoil there

Amid all this rubble

Of little 'Only thats'

Life goes on

Cause other than that

It has no choice but to be

 fine.

Day 14 - N for Not your average Goat

My Saturday serendipity unfolded only and only because of the 'surrender experiment' thingie I was doing since the commencement of the Nineteenth year. To the uninitiated, it is a fancy term for saying yes to all opportunities that knock the door without doing too much contemplation.

We were out and about and I got into my loungers to do chores around the house when the significant other came with an idea to visit his friend."S says there are baby goats on the farm. Let's go with the toddler" My ears perked up at the sound of farm and baby goats and the next thing we knew was driving into this fabulous gated property that looked like it could be somewhere by the swiss country side. When we walked in we were greeted by S that was cleaning the fish pond. A school of robust looking koi fish clamored around with the cutest open pouts while the second born fed them. "There are some baby fish out there" came a voice from behind us, with the sweetest of accents. I turn around and meet K. She looked like a desi version of Lauren Hutton - defined face structure, chandelier earrings that grazed her slender shoulders and a pile of highlighted hair tumbling down her high cheekbones. She for once was going to redefine my new 'role model' of graceful ageing. If she weren't tending to the animals on the farm, she could as well be gliding on a ramp wearing some couture fashion,as she looked that supermodel part, yoga pants and a faded t shirt not withstanding.  

"Let's meet Chevy" the timbre in her voice was very soothing. "CHEVY" "CHEVY" she calls out and adds "It is so funny, she thinks I am her mom" 

Far across the picket fenced enclosure, we spot Chevy bleating her head off to be let out of the gate. She continues her high pitched cries while making a bee line to her momma - the human momma that is!

S and K tell us about the adventure behind Chevy's survival and how she was christened by a group of school kids that came visiting to witness her mom deliver the babies. "A wonderful lesson in nature" I thought. So for all practical purposes, Chevy behaved like a Canine in sheep's clothing. She wanted her momma's undivided attention, kept tugging on to her pants with her teeth and  gave a "Look she loves me more" attitude to the nervously barking house pet Stitch that was vying for his share of attention. The house pet in question was sporting a freshly manicured coat and a menacing expression that looked like he was willing to chew n spit out Chevy if He could. Only that his puny Yorkie size didn't probably co-operate. And what he lacked in stature he compensated with his lung capacity. 

Amid all this bedlam we moved to another enclosure to see a new born goat Sprout. Now, sprout was having latching issues and his mom was kind of easy about trying too much. As K held the baby to his mom's udder, his feeble mouth kept slipping off. K sprung into action. "Let's milk the mom and feed him with a bottle" she announced while walking to fetch a pail to milk into. S forbade K from spoiling the kid. K started milking the goat anyway. And right then, a thought occurred to me. " May I try milking the goat?" I asked unsure but determined to try. "Oh of course, but what about your white dress?, It'd get dirty squatting on the dirt" She was concerned. I for once wanted to be a farm girl. While mentally preparing to make a ER visit and not caring if my white clothing got dirty or bloody, I got to milking. I suddenly remembered how my sister thought that birthing the puppies of her pet was the most amazing experience she had in her life. Now that would be a hijack of this blog if I go in details, but I'd revisit that one day! (making a mental note) 

The udder felt like heat pads that I used to soothe my c section incision. I was taken aback by the wonders of this nature, I probably got misty too while in the background, my little one looked at the whole process with dilated eyes. "This is where milk comes from" S told my toddler - "And not from store shelves" It suddenly occurred to me that my second born addresses milk as "white juice" - that's some tricks I had to play to wean her off of nursing but back to the point, It occurred to me that no technology can probably teach the kids as much as nature does.

Very soon, we were back indoors, gathered in the living room and Chevy makes it inside much to the annoyance of Stitch who wasn't going to take it keeping mum. As I hear the story of Chevy, I think to myself that it makes up for a movie script. Apparently, Chevy's mom was kind of old and K was surprised that she was even carrying - she passed on in child birth and so did Chevy's twin. And a week after that Chevy's dad passes on. Talk about tragedy to Shakespearean levels. S and K looked more like sisters than friends as they related to us the way they bottle fed Chevy, bought her indoors trying to keep her warm and secure.
"We didn't think she would make it - and look at her now" S exclaimed. Chevy was one heck of a robust baby goat, drinking milk out of a saucer and eating off of her mom's fingers, fresh fruit bits like apple and kiwi - Stitch was non stop yapping all along and no one even seemed to care at this point! :)

We had a relaxed evening while I kept marveling at Sprout feeding out of the bottle. I held him in my arms and fed him. It was the most unexpected experience of my recent past - milking a goat, feeding a baby goat fruit bits and another one out of the bottle, cradling him in a blanket and holding him snug like he was a human baby!

The planet is such a wonderful playground - animals and humans co existing like soul mates, heart warming stories of love, pain survival and support and lessons teaching you the most important of life's tricks of the trade, only if we slowed down and made a connection. 

Such a wonderful playground - everyone needs to get out there and play once in a while. That would probably fix all ailments of the body, mind and spirit.

I came home late that night with my heart overflowing with gratitude for the serendipity, for the food for thought and for crossing paths with K the rock star and Chevy the Protagonist of my entry number 14 and a very important life lesson:) 

Pictured - Chevy nibbling an apple slice from under the dinner table. 

Apologies for the typos - proof reading is postponed due to time crunch :D