Thursday, January 18, 2018

Ponder


The waters glisten in pristine pride, sporting the occasional boat being rafted across the aquamarine surface. The bridges stand firm, their gigantic pillars looking like they are floating atop the glassy river, kissing their own hazy reflection. He looks longingly at the familiar sight, the one that existed in front of him all his growing years. This morning, the familiarity taunts him a little, questioning him where his awe was when he woke up to this sight, blind to it, in the rush of growing up.
This morning, the scenery taunts him too...those three bridges connecting the banks like threads of the regrets connecting him to his past. He lets himself tangle into those threads, wondering about all the bridges that were built, burnt and blurred in the daily grind of toil and turmoil. His bridges - that melted into the fog of life.

Finally, the mist in the horizon clears, gathering into his eyes.

"Better late than never" - rings a distinct voice from within as he struggles to bring the bridges into focus.


Featuring Godavari and the road cum rail Bridge - Pic Courtesy - Sudhakar Yeluri.

Tuesday, January 16, 2018

Grit


















She spots them -
Sporting gleeful spirits,
Determined to figure it out.
The slanted circle
Rotating in the spin of those youthful gaits,
Now faltering
Landing on the mulch.
Playful mirth
Fills the chill winter breeze.
They go on..
Amid all those attempts
Being guided by the lady behind the lens
"This way! Legs Inside! Roll at once"
She dispenses instructions.
The bystander looks through
Smiling. Soaking it all in.
They keep at it, failing, falling,
Flapping around in joy!
Ah, the Physics of Fun.



Tuesday, January 02, 2018

Safeguard


















She pulls it together
Snugly on her slender shoulders
The warmth engulfing her
Like the heat from the furnace
Fighting the winter’s sinewy touch.
The texture of her wrap
Gently rugged, little wisps of thread
Offering respite in a forlorn night..
Like love lost, waiting to be found
On the treshold of hope and despair
The wrap..akin to his strong shoulders
Securely clasping her every emotion
From overflowing into limpidity!

Pic courtesy - Google

Monday, January 01, 2018

Expectations

Here comes a new leaf..
Anticipation makes me flip
Resolutions, vows to be better
To understand more, judge less..
To evolve more, complain seldom.
Smile all I can, crank? Nay never!
I look into my inner self
And give an appreciative nod!
Often wondering what’s in me
That eludes me and reveals itself to you..
The flaws that I am oblivious to..
May those very downfalls
Diffuse into a blur
Making the self as smug
As it perceives itself to be..
May the expectations be only
Of the humbling, lofty kind
That puts me to ground
And earths all the overflowing current!

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Permanence

Jake and Shobha
Walking by Gleason Dr,
Wandering while delaying
The steps to their respective doors!
Loads of books digging into their backs
Puppy love filled up to the brims
Exchanging sweet nothings
Contemplating their first peck
Chance upon a wet block of concrete
By the sidewalk!
They etch their names
Into something akin to eternity -
Till those slabs are smashed
Or the street boundaries redefined.
Jake and Shobha
In Two thousand and three-
Wonder if they parted ways..
Conjecture if they are woven together
In a bond as semi permanent
As those etchings on the concrete
That greets me daily,
As I thread the mundane streets
Thinking of puppy love!

Wednesday, March 01, 2017

Soulmate

In every dream,
Vision -
Hand in hand 
My partner walks
Yanking me toward fun and frolic,
Cake walk kind of choices.
My buddy helps me kick those heels
Of high and lofty ideas.
Waking at daybreak,
Deep breathing, mindful eating.
Or even musing on this virtual dais..
Instead the pal cuddles with me
On the recliner with a morning cuppa.
Piles of noble intentions,
Wait like well trained kids.
Without a tantrum or eyeroll!
This mate of mine
Keeps guilt at bay..
Makes me think I am here to stay.
Those tubes of paint, that blank bland canvasses
That path untread with a high on sweat!
Those unmade calls, unrealized strolls
Their wait indefinite, their plight unheard!
I snuggle up with my fling..
And this shiny screen thing -
Who wants sleep, when the world peeks in?
Inspirations hit like contractions.
To see the labor of love...
The voyuer prevails soaking in the beauty
And smothering the will to create.
High time I thought, I'd banish that dude..
My partner in crime, dear mister Procrastination


Wednesday, January 04, 2017

New Leaf

As mother earth completes another revolution around the sun and my life turns on to a brand new year, I make a  desperate, albeit feeble attempt to pulverize my block into powder and record an entrey in my blog. Fair warning, full stop :-)

Random titbits of 2016

My best friend from childhood visited me along with her family, crossing the proverbial seven oceans. The cherry on top is that our men gel like Fevicol ki jodi :) -  General lesson learnt in 2016 about friends - the ones who love you will be there no matter what! All else are just acquantiances.

I called 911 for an emergency involving my baby that turned one year old a day before. She bumped her head on the hard wood while attempting to standup. She didn't swallow on her crying and did a momentary passout. Self discovery - I am extremely composed in crisis to a point where I wonder if I have feelings.  I am extremely grateful that she did just okay after that and had no concussions etcetera.

I always thought that compatibility with the teacher wouldn't or shouldn't matter, till my first born found the teacher of her dreams this academic year and is so motivated to do her best that she completed her year worth of reading points in her first trimester and got an immaculate report card with straight As. Lesson learnt - I stand corrected and the next time her school sends out a questionnaire to ask input about the kind of teacher my kid would prefer, I would not send it to the trash folder.

I made a piligrimage to Varanasi - the ultimate destination of The Hindu relegion and saw first hand what the hype was all about. Ganges, the river of legends has a life of her own and I was left strangely captivated in the impossibly narrow streets of the city.

The toughest job, officially, is to manage a class of middleschoolers while trying to teach them something as abstract as language arts. It also, somehow , manages to be the most fulfilling job ever.

When I do not react to mushy, sentimental viral videos and inspirational, emotional or tearjerking social media shares, when I don't laugh out loud to half baked, logic defying, trying to be funny movie plots - I wonder if I grew a brain in place of my heart. But then, my occasional obsession of searching for Matt Damon and watching all his youtube interviews, and reading all about him and his wife and his four daughters once in a while acts as reassurances that I am cukoo enough to not turn into a total Howard Roark ;)

I continued to have the attention span of a two year old, in terms of my inspirations to paint on the nine oversized canvasses waiting to be bathed in color and talent (grin) - Ironically, I still refuse to be time bound even while I sense it slipping away. My resolution for 2017 is to also achieve the matching non-botheration level of a two year old.

In 2016, I got to heaviest I have ever been - to a point of ten pounds heavier than the date of my delivery and I am completely at peace with it. But I do nurture a secret hope, which isn't all that secret anymore, to run a marathon.

I let go of all baggage in the bygone year. I lost a few so called friends, some probably didn't even notice that I lost them, but I still did confront my own displeasure in how my friendnship wasn't of much value.  Surprisingly, I have no hard feelings or grudges. Just moved on and closed doors that should have not been. also outgrew my love for bags and didn't buy materials for personal use such as clothing, accesories et al. My kitchen gadget craze shined through reassuring all and sundry that I didn't renounce the world afterall :)

I judged a tad less, smiled a tad more but blogged seldom. Which brings me to the point of this blog...'keep writing' is the formula...something sensible to ponder upon is perhaps lurking around the corner..
Let the hope brew...:)


Friday, December 30, 2016

Recap


Last month,I packed my backpack
And a scrapbook
About Monarch butterflies
To show off during recess.

Last week, my uncle adviced
Never to pick
On those pesky zits announcing youth.
I meddled, anyway - those scars
Telling stories, fresh from days ago.

Last night, I fell head over heels
For a curly haired, large eyed boy
That was so different from me.
I took a chance and said  'yes'to his 'will you?'
It's only last night - but I know I chose well.

This morning I woke up -
Opening my eyes to the mirror
Staring at a mom of two.
Her laugh lines, dulling skin,
Stray greys taking aid of a bright grin
To look like the kid
Bragging about a scrapbook success.

Those things that are so recent
Reduced to flecks in time..
I look back with squinted eyes
And a confused mind...
And suddenly
I gasp..
Life is too short
To even be little!









Sunday, December 18, 2016

Enamored

I forgot
To be uninhabited
That mundaneness
Called the daily grind
Took over my mind.

Then I met you
Those grey blue eyes
Held me in repose
Like the calm after a storm!
A respite,
In this madness of life.

That love at first sight
Was'nt a thing of  storybooks,
Afterall.

The connect was instant
As it was intense.
My being swam
Into the vastness of your irises.
I held you close to heart.
Your reassuring warmth
Relating tales
Of unconditional love.
It was a bond, meant to not be!
Alas, the mundaneness comes in again.
This time around,
My heart just sank and settled
Into the pool of your soulful peepers.

I left, dejected..
But in hopes that your ocean of love
Finds the right companion -
While you walk away in glee
Wagging your happy tail
Taking the trail
Leading Home.

Thursday, December 08, 2016

Lessons





When the famous Magician P C Sorcar came to our small town in the late eighties, all and sundry were kicked into a frenzy at school. We gaped at those mystical lithograph posters plastered onto all plasterable surfaces on our way to school in wide eyed awe, wondering what it would be to go catch him live. This wasn't your average entertainment that came to town. P C Sorcar was a household name then, like Big B of magic and I recollected segments of his father's recorded videos telecasted in Doordarshan. I knew that our small town was suddenly hep and happening but wasn't sure if I'd make it to the bee line to see him in action.

It pays to be in a place sometimes, where everyone knows everyone. The household blasted into roars of triumph when our siblings and I learned that Sorcar was a friend of a close associate of our father and we actually got invited to see the show lounging in the best seats of the auditorium, smack dab in the center of first row. When the show started with the curtain rising and a flood of disco lights and loud music, my heart thumped in resonance and excitement. It was a borderline over stimulation to my single digit nerves, but I was so engrossed in the world of magic that each and every frame of that evening etched into a perfection of memory on my impressionable mind.

Mr.Sorcar made a grand entry with all the crew in a gaudy sherwani, turban and exaggerated makeup. I probably stopped to blink while devouring all those visuals to a point where I still can recollect most of the two hour show in great detail. He placed a pot on one side of the dais and emptied it into a bigger tub at random intervals. "Oh, the water of India ' he would exclaim once in a while, jog to the side and empty the pot into the tub. Each time, the pot would be full - magically! - There was a grand finale where he performed the last act of his dad before he passed away and I felt fat tears dripping past my cheeks. But the one item that really made a permanent impression on me was the act where he called for volunteers on to the stage, blindfolded himself and made them write on a chalk board. He would respond appropriately to all writings, drawings and signs written on the chalk board with witty answers,   and perfect doodles. When a young woman wrote "Alas he is dead" he wrote back with impeccable timing "Who? your boyfriend? " while the audience burst into peals of laughter. What really struck me was the speed and perfection with which he made drawings. He drew a caricature of himself around a little cross symbol one volunteer provided on the board.

Bang. The etching happened. I absorbed each visual with mechanical precision and came home and tried imitating him and thinking that I did quiet a good job drawing quickly like him. from that day, a part of P C Sorcar's speed of creating seeped and pooled permanently into my psyche. I started believing that everything creative had to be impromptu, free hand and fast as lightning.  It delivered good results most of the times but when one is vying to be fast, there is a constant adrenaline rush that happens in the background, like you are competing with yourself in a rat race.  I diligently did all my creations in first draft glory, be it a story,a poem, a painting or a drawing. Even when I cooked, I had a part of me that tried to do it fast...chop chop chop. Stir stir stir. Though there wasn't any outward evidence of my rush, I did it subconsciously and somehow, at the end of every creative endeavor I felt a shortness of creative breath, like I just stopped running. Sometimes, I looked back and convinced myself that my quick creations are how creativity is supposed to be - uncut, un thought and straight from the gut. Till I realized the after effects - sometimes a regret of not having done a specific part better or not having completely enjoyed the process of its creation.

This summer I cooked an elaborate meal as a part of some annual festivities. Just like Sorcar's magic, something clicked inside me when I started the process of preparing a buffet of nine time consuming dishes in one go. I relaxed, took a deep breath and concentrated on what I was doing than the process of being done with it. I finished my cooking in my usual record time, with zero physical or mental strain and then had some more energy left to move on to more creative projects during the course of the day. Suddenly what I learned almost a quarter century ago dissipated into an absolute calm and peace of the cathartic experience of doing the stuff that I enjoy and chose to do. Ironically, all these years, I refused to put the shackles of time, routine and daily grind on my life but I did in a very minuscule way, incorporate that very shackle into the little things I did. Perhaps I enjoyed that raw, unedited phase too, but now I feel a sudden calm and meditative experience settle into even the most gross and mundane things that I do on a daily basis like changing a diaper of carrying the trash out. Many thanks to Sorcar who gave me a moulding experience of my childhood years and to nature's own magic of ripening over time,  I finally experienced it first hand, the fine line between knowing and understanding :-)

Photo - From my hotel window by the Westminster bridge - a partial view of the London eye :-) Summer of 2013












Tuesday, December 06, 2016

Catching Up

It is tricky, this time thingie. Specially when you do not have a constraint on it. You stay at home, cook, clean, wash and repeat and all the things that you wish to do fade into a blur in the background. Lately, I had been making a physical note of things in my planner. Yes, it is an upgrade from my mental notes or at least that's how I want to look at it, without making it feel like a downgrade due to part time remembry loss(grin). But, little does it help - thanks to the free style day I choose to live and the best friend that lurks in the background, whispering hypnotic slogans to keep putting it off.

Procrastination had really become my bosom buddy and I secretly hope that I have readers nodding silently when they read this, like they relate to what I am speaking about, hoping yet again that the world is not the perfection that my free spirited soul perceives it to be.

So, how do I procrastinate ? Let me count the ways.

One homebound Saturday afternoon, I had this sudden spasm to go buy some art material to finish up my newly redecorated guest bed. Okay, let me rephrase it - My newly redecorated guest bedroom in progress. 'In progress' being the crucial phrase in there. I went and bought assorted canvasses to spruce up my walls. The only down fall is that my painting ideas change by the minute. I look around for inspiration, click pictures, ask friends to permit me to paint their pictures and clutter my storage space on the computer. Once the time seems ripe, once the meals are cooked and the dishes are washed and the laundry is folded and the time vacuum  toddler decides to day nap - I have a clog of inspirations that vie for my attention and I end up doing nothing. Cause wanting to paint a landscape when I open my oil tubes morphs into wanting an abstract painting in the speed of a transformer graphic. Bottom line? The pesky little friend and the whispers that put me in a trance. I successfully put it off without a second thought.

It always is a draw for me when I try to decide between color and words - thus the moniker doodling words I guess. To try and do the 'fair' treatment to my passion for art and writing. I fail to understand how 2016 zoomed past into December while I wait for the dawn to meet the dusk and feel it was a long long day performing my almost full time 'home maker' duties. Days are long, years are short. But the panic hits when in the last month of the year, you look at your blog tally and feel a sinking feeling in the stomach - like the one akin to being broke without enough money :-)

I dilute the passion when I announce my creative pursuits, but here's sincerely hoping that I do a little bit of catching up before December slips away into the abyss of the past.

Anyone there with me? :-)



Photo - Goa, Fall 2013 - one of the gazzilion visual inspirations :-)