Ponder - And a Toast for a Silent and Blissful New year :)

It was a sunny day right after Christmas and the spouse and I decided to bond over grocery shopping and hunting for a new bedroom set for the guest room. We thought to leave the teen sitting the toddler and do this errand in a jiffy and then tag the kids along for funner things. As always, the kid duo somehow thinks that leaving the parental unit by themselves isn't a good idea and the spouse somehow thinks that leaving the kids alone isn't a good idea either - these both ideologies intersect and how seamlessly!   That's why we end up full strength in everything we do and everywhere we go unless it is a work related trip  for the significant other. 

So, like always, this escapade escalated to a family fun event. I was somehow looking to pep up my mood and use my shoes as a prop. Now don't ever question  the confidence of a woman that can wear a solid pink linen top paired with a black yoga pant - accessorized with a Kani pashmina and tadaa...sequined unicorn shoes that are a baby pink. Just heed to my advice and don't question her. She is way too figured out for her own good you might think. Think all you want but just steer clear of questioning her choice or offering her advice. It won't garner a reaction, response or a nod. Unless you are one of those people that can handle silence in response, don't do it. If you look at silence as the biggest insult posing as a response, God save you! 

As I trotted in with my shoes on, The first born did her characteristic eye roll. I mean, she looks cute doing that and besides she really needs to up her ante to irritate me, her normal eye rolls and 'whatevers' don't irk me enough - truth be told! "You need to be brave to wear something like that" the spouse offered his uncalled opinion as the first born kept chuckling. "Let's go" I said ignoring both reactions (Look,I told ya!) 

"Your are going to come home and change those shoes aren't you?" the first born dropped a subtle hint. "What makes you think so?" I asked. "You are not going to take me shopping in those shoes are you?" "Unless you want to not go shopping!" I offered. 

"Mother you need to change your shoes" She was more direct. "You are free to change your mother" I like it subtle by and large. Especially in my responses.

 Let me insert some perspective here. All that they say about compatibility is just baloney. Lately I see people being so high and mighty about compatibility for every human relationship. No no I am not digressing. You'll see where this is heading. In reality, there isn't anything like compatibility that is going to come and magically make a relationship. From where I see it, it is humanly impossible for two people to see things the same exact identical way or to agree on everything. Now if we have low levels of tolerance for other's difference of perspective, it is a good idea to look for someone that'll comply with most of your views. But at the end of the day, a happy relationship is the one that doesn't try to alter the other person to suit their views. Once we accept and let others be themselves and love them the way they are, we have nailed the foundation to a successful relationship. Of course exceptions apply, but technically, what I choose to wear on my feet should not make my dear ones embarrassed for me or about me. I think the family gets it without my trying to extract this tidbit of wisdom into verbal form. So back on track, we head out, with the mission to shop, two kids and a pair of unicorn shoes protecting and pepping my feet. 

As I was examining and swooning over a live edge head board in Restoration Hardware, which the spousal unit didn't really swoon over BTW,  I heard a voice in the background. I had to look back to see a beautiful lady probably in her fifties smile at me. "That's a beautiful pink on you" she beamed. "And look at the scarf!" I smiled and thanked her while excitedly pointing her to my shoes "Look at these sequined shoes? how about them?" I wanted her to approve so the bystanding teen is put in place. "Oooh" She let out a interjection in what looked like genuine awe. "Those are so gorgeous. I know those sequined shoes are a work of art and cost an arm and a leg" I was tempted to tell her that I found them on the clearance racks of Children's Place for $7.99" Oh yeah, I have disproportionate feet for my frame and I actually find fitting shoes in the kids section often. Instead of sharing the steal I scored, I ended up telling her that the teen wanted me to change them but I offered her to change the mom instead"  We both let out a laugh. As our conversation continued I walked closer to the lady. I noticed that her platinum blonde hair framed a kind face and the blue of her eyes looked glassy. For a moment, it appeared as if she was in some pain and came out to divert herself. "My two daughters put me in check all the time" she said "And I have son that is twenty one./ He has down syndrome"

I don't know what got into me but I said "That's wonderful" and quickly added "I hear they are fountains of such unconditional love" "yes, yes" her kind eyes beamed with joy. He is an absolute blessing. He has his moments but the joys outdo everything."
For the next twenty minutes I shared the story of another down syndrome kid that got adopted by a single dad in India. The young man fought with the legislature to alter laws to allow single people to adopt kids. It is our immense joy to know this guy in person and call him a dear friend. Time zoomed past. I felt a connect with the woman in those few minutes spent. She left beaming ear to ear, hopefully with the same kind of joy I felt while interacting with her.

As we stepped out of our shopping trip I looked down at my shoes. They are probably a misfit if the norms are to be followed. They'll probably raise eyebrows or trigger judgements. But every time we do what speaks to us, we probably let out a vibe and attract people that accept us for who we and as we are. It reminded me of the time, a few weeks ago, when I met a dear friend of mine in my travels. "My wife cautioned you to be prepared" he said "The kid is in one of his aggressive bouts today" - He was speaking about his twelve year old autistic son. I remembered smiling at him and saying "Just like we all do once in a while. We all are special needs"

"We all are special needs" he repeated looking like he was hit by an epiphany. "How true"

It is funny how a fully functioning brain can make us so wound up and uptight. We constantly feel the need to fix things and make others agree or disagree with us. We conjure up unmade insults and inflate our egos to fill entire rooms. Sometimes I feel we make such a disability out of ability. Sometimes I wish we all could shut down overworking minds and just Be. Just Be. Sometimes I wish we spoke only when our words are better than Silence.

The irony!