A predictable short story

It's been a week of his travels. When she opens the door for him, he gives her the same boyish grin. She doesn't smile back.

BAM... and he knows she is cross about something. 

She gets to unpacking his bags. He holds out a box in front of her, as casually as he is giving her something that she dropped on the floor. Her eyes dart from the box to his as he walks away absentmindedly. She places it next to the suitcase and mumbles "I don't like surprises, I told you a million times" 

He doesn't answer and gets on the phone with someone. 

She looks visibly irritated and he keeps observing her from the corner of his eyes. She drops the clothes on the bed and opens the box. A dainty watch peeks out, with a mother of pearl face and intricately enameled strap. "It's called the Taj" He says. "It looks identical to the one you got me last month, how can you not remember what you had bought a few weeks ago? " She snaps back, her soft voice raising an octave. 

He makes an appearance with a box. "He opens it and puts the watch next to the one he just got. "Look" He says innocently. "This one is a round faced. The one you have now is oval and this is beige enamel and the one now is white"

She gently snatches the two watches from his hand "Oh yeah, I see the difference" She says, her voice laden with sarcasm. "And I'll probably have to wear both on the same wrist at the same time when I do the dishes, so people notice the difference"

Her jibes go over his head..."You can wear them to the park" He offers genuine suggestions. "No" She snaps back.."When I go to the park, I don't dress like I go to the ball - heck, I don't dress like I go to the ball even when I go to the ball, just in case you have noticed how I dress" 

He walks to her and places his hands on her elbows. She gently pulls herself back. " I don't have a lifestyle for your watches, doctor satchels and expensive jewelry. I don't need another watch, and definitely not another dressy gold one, with rhinestones and pearls, and I don't like surprises - did you hear me?"

"Yes. You don't like dressy things and surprises" he laughs. 

                              *******

"I don't like surprises" She announces firmly while she opens the box. This time, It isn't a  gold toned, dainty one. 

"What is this?" She examines it back and forth. "A sofa on my wrist?" 

He laughs out loud. "Where do you get your comparisons from? How does a ceramic strapped watch look like a sofa to you?"

"I'll do the honors one last time. I don't like surprises. I don't wear watches - now please stop bribing me with your materials every time you travel. It is not romantic nor thought through and I don't miss you one bit anyway. I have so much time to read and write and cook while you are gone. I don't sit in the couch waiting for your goddamned business call to get over so you eat, and guess what? I like the break of not doing it" 

"Let's extend the break" He announces with a smirk. Don't wait for me to eat tonight. Go meditate or watch some TV"

"I don't do it to give you company. I do it because you leave a mess on the dining table. You don't put the left overs in the fridge - forget it actually, You don't even cover them. What covering? You don't even look around to see what all I cooked..you just eat whatever is in your eye span though I tell you a million times that the soup is warming in the crock"

"I'll look for the soup today" He vows. 

"I didn't make any soup. Did you want some?"

"No, I'll eat whatever else you made"

                  *******

That night as he walks into the room, she quickly puts away her book and switches off the reading light. He settles next to her and says

"I thought you didn't make the soup. It is delicious by the way..."

"Now, please don't ask me how I made it. I am in no mood to explain the elaborate process of peeling the butternut squash and pureeing it into soup, at this godforsaken hour. It is not like you are going to recreate it for me tomorrow. I am fed up of your conversations around recipes"

He keeps quiet and smiles.

"Besides, you cannot boil water in the tea kettle for the life of you. Last morning you burned the handle of the kettle because you didn't center the base of the tea kettle on the burner. I'd like to see your engineering degree one day. God knows how such simple laws of physics elude you"

"Oh..I am sorry..I'll buy..."

"Oh Plhease, You don't need to buy me a replacement. I'll go get what I like. I don't like surprises for one thing"

"Sure sure" he responds.

"Good night now" She snaps back and goes to bed. 

                   *********

Trip after trip after trip, he keeps getting her things. A series of beige and plaid scarves in one season, One heady fragrance after another in the next season and flashy fine jewelry in the third.

" I don't like bright, primary colors. And pray, when did you see me in fire engine red and royal blue? This dress looks like  it has the fabric that went into the tent on our wedding day"

" I thought it sets off beautifully against your skin tone" He tries to defend his choice.

"Now, please don't apply your expertise in pairing colors. Keep it confined to writing ABAP Programs or accelerated testcases...leave those mundane and useless things to me. I know what I want and what I wear and I don't like suggestions and feed back there"

"Sure" He adds smiling.

                             ******

She gets the door at 9 in the evening, wondering who it could be at that time. 

He looks at her with his boyish smile.

She doesn't smile back, instead she yells at him

"Why are you here now? Wasn't it a 5 hour drive? Don't you have to start at 5 am to get there again tomorrow morning? How many times do I tell you, like a defective record I DON'T LIKE SURPRISES"

He looks like a kid being chided. "I didn't tell you because I know you wouldn't let me come all the way"

"Why did you have to come all the way anyway?"

"I thought you said your back was hurting"

"Yea, so what? Are you going to swap my back with yours? And I don't even know what kind of a back you have anyway now, with all that driving along the windy roads you just did"

They keep silent the rest of the night, curled with their backs facing each other. None of them sleep..

"Can you take off tomorrow and not drive in the dark at 5?" She asks hoping against hope.

" I have to go" he says

Her voice cracks slightly. "I don't know why you do this to me. You are here for five hours and you have to drive ten hours to be here..I keep telling you I don't miss you, why don't you believe me when I say something in that many words? Huh?"

He smiles to himself and keeps silent. "It's okay he says. I can drive back, no biggie"

"Ofcourse it is a biggie, I'll worry myself to no end about how you'd get there and how bad your back gets" she tears up, still facing away.

"It's okay" He adds gently "We got to see each other, That's enough.."

"No sir, It is not enough...you need to put some thought into it. You'll never get how I mean it"

" I do" He adds "Trust me I do. I know you don't miss me, I know you wait for me to finish dinner because I make a mess of things" 

"Good for You" She snaps, and goes to sleep wiping her tears.

                          ******

The next morning he sees her in the kitchen, packing a whole stacks of food into the thermal bag.

"What are you doing?" He asks..."I don't eat that much. Why didn't you sleep? I came so you could rest up a bit"

"Yeah right...I needed you here to rest up, so you could do the dishes, ready the kids to school and scrub the floors, all before taking your 5AM trip back, talk about planning the timing to perfection...No sir, I don't need you to do any of those things, besides - I have high standards for my tasks"

" I know of your standards" He smiles and plays along.

"Please know, for one thing, that I don't miss you AND I don't like surprises"

                         ******

He comes back from his week long trip, She opens the door, looking every bit like Grumpy the dwarf.

As she unpacks his bags, he holds a box out to her...

She rolls her eyes and says "Not another plaid, beige scarf as much as I love plaids, beige or scarfs...I don't like surprises"

"Open it" He prompts

It is a boxy yellow leather bag..

"Where's the sequined coat to go along with it? I'll look like a lady Elvis impersonator while going on my errands to the grocery store or the library, imagine how fun it is going to be! Suddenly her tone changes to a pleading, disappointed one
and how many times Do I tell you, I don't like surprises"

And then She pauses. This is almost futile, this exercise of using his flopped surprises as pretext to get cranky, as a  coping mechanism to her missing him. And she smiles suddenly. May be he is following her instructions and not surprising her after all.... 

Imagine what kind of a surprise it would be if he gave up on surprising her??

They live happily ever after - Him surprising her, and her speaking the pole opposite of what she feels.

Surprisingly, he seems to get that part alright, the unspoken part, beyond the elaborate words she uses to tell him what she wants and feels.

God bless 'Not giving up' on surprising, on not liking to be surprised on each other and everything in between.

Pictured - Noah and Allie, who grind each other's nerves on the surface of a 'crazy about you' simmering beneath.