Alter ego

                                 

I look for familiarity

TO clutch on to, like the soft toy

That manifests into security,

In a distancing world

Where I stand out, like a misfit.

The sea beckons

Shape shifting like only she could

Sometimes like the mist

And then like a tide

Further along, like a typhoon.

Her tiny form sliding on the blade of grass

In her transparent glory

Looking like a solitaire fit for a queen's earlobe.

Her force hitting the earth in Hale

Or like the ambient mist

Veiling the horizon.

Her grace gurgling along creeks

Her Rhythm, rattling on the rooftop

and slipping through the window pane.

She is agile, versatile

Contained in her container, or

Flowing with the current

Fleeting, filling, fueling

The stubborn earth

With her essence.

She dons the garb of music

Gurgling in my tabletop fountain

She hydrates my insides

slipping through the throat

Nurturing the gut that churns

Numerous puny thoughts.

I become one with her, the Water

She becomes my muse 

I imitate her

My heart flowing like a tributary

Into her vastness

My thoughts shapeshifting

Aspiring to be a bit of what she is

If not the ocean, if not the river

If not the stream or even the creek

I am content

To be a drip in the faucet

Tipping down in monotony

Dreaming of being like Her

Taking shapes of my muse

Now like a dew drop

Now like a lake

Writing on her surface

Now there, now vanishing

Flattering her, with my paltry imitation.

Pic - The pacific coast

Ray

                                                                 

The insides - Paneled, slotted, dark

With one sweep

His halo enters the threshold,

Spreading into nooks and crannies

Seeping through the narrow gaps

Between carefully arranged strips.

Unstoppable, penetrating through the nuts and bolts

That succumb and let go of their standing guard.

His power emerges fluid, illuminating, enlightening

Dissipating the gloom

Of nothingness.

His tender wonder

Travelling light years in a flash

Alight in the abyss

Like the journey from there to here

Was meant to be, just for this conjugation

Bringing the yin into yang

Making completeness out of insufficient

For once, dissolving the vacuum,

Like a coupling between space and surface.

Formless but lending form to everything He touches

Weightlessly aiding creation

Enabling vision

His encompassing aura, akin to Love.

Pictured - The empty barn by Tomales trail at the tip of the peninsula.

Left Unsaid

On Beauty

BY KAHLIL GIBRAN

And a poet said, Speak to us of Beauty.

     And he answered:

     Where shall you seek beauty, and how

shall you find her unless she herself be your

way and your guide?

     And how shall you speak of her except

she be the weaver of your speech?

                 *******

My love for nature isn't something I show. Wait, Perhaps I do, as subtly as Bhansali shows his awe for grandiose backdrops or how Lady Gaga shows her fashion sense. That being said, everyone that knows me even on the surface, knows my love for God's creation. But pray, what could be a more close display of his master craft than the form of a woman? So, nature's most prized creation, the feminine, is my muse for the day. Not just any mind you but a particular one I had the good fortune of beholding. So off I go, as that beauty aids the weave of my words.

When I first saw her, I probably experienced what they really mean when they say "stunning beauty" - I am pretty poker faced if my near and dear are to be believed about how transparent I am with my facial expressions, but something tells me that on that fateful evening, I looked every bit of the 'deer in headlights' when I beheld her form. She comes in and sits in front of me while wishing me. Her voice, her expression, her demeanor kick up her grace a few notches. At this moment, I should probably provide a disclaimer about my orientation, but like I said, it is blasphemy for a nature lover not to love the craft that went into creating a woman. My shuffled mind looks inside for ammunition to play along my awe. "Afreen Afreen" an old strain from my young adult years gently plays in my mind. I stay aware and engage her in the conversation while random Poets from random eras keep whispering their most cherished lines in my ear..

".....a joy for ever.."

"...like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies"

".....I fain to tell the things that I behold, 

But feel my wits to fail, and tongue to fold."

People that know me well also know about the infamous 'toddler's attention span' - So, predictably, I should have gotten over the infatuation right? Wrong!

A friend of mine, years ago, defined stunning beauty for me. "A stunning beauty is something that you can never get over. Every time you see the object of beauty, the first thing that occurs to you is the beauty". (two year old's attention span, notwithstanding) Fair enough, I thought. But what you don't experience you don't understand. And decades down, something magical happens, and poof....and you understand. Talk about the system providing you with answers long before you face the questions.

So again, and again and again - I feel the rapture, the bliss, the beauty, that is a joy forever. 

I think the most precious compliments we ever get are the ones that remain unsaid. They spring up in random peoples hearts and souls - on the tram, by the sidewalk, (or case in point - a class, when one sees a student's mother )and stay there wrapped, never to be unraveled.

I try consciously to let them know, when such unfiltered appreciation springs up in my heart, almost always. May be I'll email her a video of Rahat fateh ali khan crooning Afreen afreen and say this is what plays in my head every time I see her. 

Reckon she'll ignore me, or worse yet fear me? 

Reckon she'll reply in blush emojis and say "Aww Thank you"

Reckon???

The result shouldn't matter. I am not pursuing her. I just am at a safe distance loving, just for the sake of love.

That shouldn't garner a block, or a shock! That shouldn't :-D

I am sure she'll understand my artistic liberties ;) For what are feeling worth if they aren't professed?

Bananas at Large

A few springs ago, a friend of mine sent a link to a page one of her friends created for her craft website. It was all intriguing and interesting for the creative side of me, but what really caught my attention was the title. It was as off beat as it could ever get and I for once rejoiced in the offbeatness of it that resonated with my own. The title in question was "Elephants remember" and it had the cutest doodle of an elephant underneath- now how do we align this with the thoughts of a crafter's mind? I am sure there's a story behind it. I don't remember asking for it nor putting in the grey matter flex to figure it out like I normally do - but the quirkiness of the title stayed with me, in a way aligning with me more than what it was intended to align with.

I find this whole naming thing very riveting. Right form the moment we are born, we are subjected to it, like we need to put a title to every thing we see, feel and have. It is simplifying in a way and logic defying in another and kind of distracting if I examine it from the new spiritual glasses I had acquired and it is nothing short of amusing in a whole different way,  this quirk of nomenclature. For the longest time I had an identity crisis. My parents' choice to recycle my Grandmother's name didn't sit very well with my sensibilities..but then, no one checked on my sensibilities anyway. An aunt of mine always used to opine that the name we give someone or something makes a huge impact in the 'feel' they generate inside of us. And then Shakespeare came up with the "A rose is a rose is a rose...' sentiment. All said and done, names are a huge deal. A possession we have all our lives that we are constantly reminded of and I think they are the spaces where one can express oneself in the way they wish to be expressed.

I once spotted brand names so unconventional that they require a whole book explaining their coming into being. I spotted a watch company named "rumours" a clothing brand named "vertigo" and a jewelry brand named "Suspicion" - Go figure. I don't really intend to know why they called themselves as such but it would sure make up for a great conversation starter if someone divulged the story behind such names. But the most recent additions in my carefully curated list of quirky names is "Bananas at Large" - I spotted this business driving past the downtown of Marin county and let out a chuckle thinking of a bunch of bananas, hand in hand, running for their lives. It looked like a big establishment and from the facade, I guessed it to be a grocery store. But guess what? This title takes the Oscar for the most unusual name ever...The business actually deals with Musical instruments - those grand pianos that call for a wad cash equivalent to the down payment of a home, guitars, ukuleles, drums etcetera etcetera etcetera.

Bananas at Large - Phew! if that isn't some personality in naming, I don't know what is. Now I can only wonder what I would have named myself if I could have named myself.
Scarecrow at the bar? Dory's Siamese? Lock stock and two lousy blogs? If you get the drift...

But Bananas at large, by and large are going to haunt me till the day of my death.

:)

Transformer

Face those cares with a grin
Sometimes shadows become shades.
Cause walls turn into bridges
When faith combats doubt.
Sobs become smiles 
With a right insight.
Hang in there
Wisdom lies in knowing
Nothing is learnt by giving up.
But learn the distinction
Of giving up and letting go.
Let go - what's meant to be stays.
What isn't stays back 
In the form of the lesson.
Heal, so you don't bleed 
On people that didn't make the wound.
But let the cracks of those hurts
Flood the insides with kindness.
Suffer so you fathom the depths of life
But don't sulk
As Trials turn into triumphs.
Walk that path with trust
Treat their wealth, their time, their mistakes
Like you treat your own.
Listen, noises can turn into music.
Observe - opinions can turn into empathy.
Love. That's the power
That transforms things into new light.

The Paradox

You are there, but not there

Sitting beside, sharing the roof

Looking through the window

Your beautiful eyes amble around unseen visuals

Lost in thought.

You are there but not there

Like a mirage, the horizon, the sky

Alluring but absent, your presence - a real delusion.

You are there, but not there

Walking parallel, side by side

So close, yet so far

Like a dream on the shore of existence.

So really surreal your force

You are there but not there

Like magic, like myth, like a pretty trick.

And then

You are not there, but there

Like a feeling, an emotion, a whisper of the wind

Your strong hands, in a reassuring clasp

Your embrace, like mother's love.

You are not there, but there

Like a promise, a pledge, an assurance

Your unseen form feeding palpable realities

Your essence caressing the soul.

You are not there but there, on every trail, step in step,

You are not there but there

Like the Almighty,

Like the seed under cover

Promising green, life giving prosperity.

You are not there, but there

Like love, peace and bliss

Untouchable, but felt deep within

like the realest of realities that dwell in the being.

You are not there but there

Never gone, never lost

Like a fragrance in the flower

Like the spirit in the body

You are not there but there

Like the only truth

Ever felt, ever lived, ever loved.

Between your being and your not being, the Irony unfolds.

Pictured - the backroads of my home town, shot at night, through the windshield.

The Road Taken

                                           

It was a hazy dawn

Filtered by the flirty fog

I take off on a sojourn 

A stimulus for this travelogue

I go mum, falling short of speech

Silence plays my copilot

Immense peace, my comrade.

Awe douses my every breath,

Marvel oozes out every pore.

I stay still, soaking the calm

I couldn't ask from life, any more.

But the giver He is, he heaps his grace

His benevolence brings a deep solace,

My eyes bestowed with a film of mist

What virtues of mine gifted this tryst?

As each revelation leaves me in bliss

I stay mute and fall into the abyss.

Stretches of land being grazed by the dawn

Orange torch blazes the morn

Crystal waters, infinite sky

With flecks of birds chirping as they fly

I feel inadequate for the lack of wings

That launch me out into His arms.

Just as I feel a flutter in my gut

I realize flying props are optional

When the soul soars up unstoppable

Propelled by His formidable blessing.

I walk the trail, the rugged path

The road that was taken before me and beyond

Muddy footprints keep me company

While the lap of nature cradles me in incubation.

I stay present, I stand my ground

Being in the now, Being in the know.

For He that's my divine founder

For He that's my friend and guide.

I renounce my cares, I walk the trail

Of the Road taken

But unfolding like it was meant for just me

Beyond the land and beyond the sea

Those footprints, they usher me forward

Experience - my ultimate reward.